Sticky all purpose feedback post, now with correct information!

Vids made since mid-2007 can be found under the 'my vids' tag or at the Dreamwidth, Livejournal and AO3 (coming soon!) posts for each vid. Earlier vids at fan-eunice.com.

Warnings Policy

You Were A Kindness (Witness) DW|LJ|AO3

I Wanna Rock (Storm Chasers) DW|LJ|AO3

Barton Hollow (Homeland) DW|LJ|AO3

Hoping Machine (Harry Potter) DW|LJ|AO3

Love Hurts (Haven, Nathan cries on a beach challenge) DW|LJ|AO3

When My Boy Walks Down The Street (Ferris Beuller's Day Off) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Karma (Legend of Billie Jean) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Moon Rising (Beetlejuice) DW|LJ|AO3

Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me (Mythbusters) DW|LJ|AO3

Shine (Thelma & Louise) DW|LJ|AO3

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise (Stand By Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Once a Thief) DW|LJ|AO3

(Keep Feeling) Fascination(Valley Girl) DW|LJ|AO3

Roll With the Changes (How To Train Your Dragon) DW|LJ|AO3

November Rain (Blade Runner) DW|LJ|AO3

Father and Daughter (Punky Brewster) DW|LJ|AO3

So You Say (Little House on the Prairie) DW|LJ|AO3

Unsound (Smallville) DW|LJ|AO3

Legends Never Die (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

The Eleventy Project, an attempt to vid every episode of S5 as it airs. (Doctor Who)

• Break The Night With Color (episode 5x10) DW|LJ|AO3
• Sunglasses at Night (episodes 5x08 & 5x09) DW|LJ|AO3
• I (episode 5x07) DW|LJ|AO3
• Twilight Omens (episode 5x06) DW|LJ|AO3
• Can You See The Lights (episodes 5x04 & 5x05) DW|LJ|AO3
• Voulez-Vous (episode 5x03) DW|LJ|AO3
• See Who I Am (episode 5x02) DW|LJ|AO3
• Walking On Sunshine (episode 5x01) DW|LJ|AO3

Mother Mary (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Now and Then (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Simon Says (Doomsday) DW|LJ|AO3

Dreams (Marley & Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Charles In Charge (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

TKO (itty bitty titty committee) DW|LJ|AO3

Then The Morning Comes (Galaxy Quest) DW|LJ|AO3

Never Loved A Man (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Ever Fallen In Love (Hard Core Logo) DW|LJ|AO3

Papa Don't Preach w/greensilver (Torchwood/Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Taking Chances (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

And She Was (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Don't Touch That Dial (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Moons of Jupiter (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Forever Young (Highlander) website only

Whatever It Takes (Bend it Like Beckham) website only

Lullaby (Dead Poets Society) website only

Running Down A Dream (SGA) website only

Swing Down Chariot (Dogma) website only

Awwwww, a kind person bought me paid DW time. THANK YOU KIND ANONYMOUS. That is so unbelievably sweet and I hug you forever.

If you are at a point where you get regular mammograms, this post is for you! I don't think I've posted this info before, but on more than one occasion I've ended up telling people about it and them not having known about it before hand, and since it is info that can give you more piece of mind, I make this post now.

It is not uncommon for women to get a call back after a mammogram saying you need to come back in. Scary as hell but not uncommon. If this happens to you, the first question you need to ask and the info you need to have right then is this. 'What is the BI-RADS?'. Because it is the answer to the question of how much you need to worry and what you need to be worried *about*. BI-RAD is basically the classification of what they found that makes them want you to come back in, and goes from a scale of 0 to 6. A 6 is an already confirmed malignancy and unless you're having more films done after a confirmed diagnosis of breast cancer you ain't gonna get it.

If your BI-RADS is a 1 or a 2...congratulations, you didn't get a call back and don't need to know anyway.

If your BI-RADS is a 0 you probably got a call back, but you also don't need to be particularly worried. It means it was inconclusive, generally owing to particularly dense or fibrous tissue, not that they found anything in particular but they weren't able to see well enough on your first films to know if there was something to find. You'll need to go back for more films and possibly more sensitive screening, but you needn't be overly worried at all.

If your BI-RADS is a 3 they may want a closer look, but it is *likely* whatever they saw is nothing. Further films and a watch and wait is probably what's going to be advised. This is annoying, but file it under 'annoying overcaution' than anything to be worried about. They may not even call you back in for it at all.

If your BI-RADS is a 4 things are suspicious looking. Do not panic. It means they are going to want a biopsy. However (and memorize this as a mantra) eighty percent of these biopsies will come back negative. Eighty percent. What this means is a biopsy is warranted to make sure it is not, it does not mean they think that it is. This does not mean you should skip the biopsy. In fact I will kick your ass if you do. It means unless told otherwise, the likelyhood that you are okay is far greater than that you are not but it is better to be safe than sorry.

If your BI-RADS is a 5. You need a biopsy to confirm a *likely* malignancy. However, you should still not panic because they really can't know for sure until that biopsy, and you may be a lucky ducky and get a negative. And that biopsy may come back as DCIS even if it is positive (meaning, stage *zero* non-invasive). A 5 means you should be concerned and start thinking about cancer as a real possibility, not to set your hair on fire but to be prepared.

I'm not sure why this isn't a part of all the breast cancer information campaigns. I really don't, because it allows you to have a much clearer picture of what's going on and why they want you back in and what you need to be thinking about. This is the most vital piece of information you can have at that stage of the process. So if you get a call back on a mammogram what is your first question? Yup. 'What is the BI-RADS'. Know it, use it.

Aaaaaaah, I've been pulled back into SPN. Well, pulled back would assume I've ever been really 'in' which..is complicated. SPN and I have always had a weird relationship in that it is chock full of storylines and tropes and characterizations that push a lot of my buttons hard. But, it's flaws are also ones that push my anti-buttons just as hard. So I'll hear bits of things going on through fandom and it will ping my 'want' side and then I watch a ton of what I missed from the last time I walked away until the 'do not want' side breaks hard enough that I throw up my hands and walk away again (or ragequit depending on the catalyst). And then rinse and repeat. This time it was hearing there was Dean/Cas things going on that were right up my alley. AND OH GOD WERE THEY EVER.

But, anyway this time it was...different? As I'm catching up so I can get to the recent Cas stuff, I realized. Just. The things SPN is going to do that leave me gritting my teeth and/or spitting bile...after 8 years are so incredibly predictable that I just can't work up the energy to get upset anymore. Just an eyeroll and a sigh and a 'yes, of course you just did/said that, it's what you do' and moving on. Which. Freed up all my emotional energy for the other kind of button mashing this show does to me. And. I am now kind of caught in a way I haven't been before.

I actually started rewatching the entire series from the beginning, having not rewatched hardly any of it ever before. And it's even easier to sigh/eyeroll/move on knowing exactly where the landmines are on seasons I've watched before. So, like, I'm gone. Wallowing in all the things that do speak directly to my fannish soul and I am overcome with FEELINGS. And, god, I haven't even gotten to the introduction of Cas and the beginning of his arc yet on the rewatch, and considering he is my bulletproof character on this show, I suspect the hand flailing will reach EPIC proportion.

It took 8 years, but I am finding myself actually fannish for real about this show for the first time. IT IS VERY WEIRD.

vid warning policy

Title: Times Like These
Artist: Foo Fighters
Fandom: All Dogs Go To Heaven


Summary: You can't keep a good dog down.

Made for joyo, 'cause she is amazing.

notes: this was supposed to be a festivids treat that ended up being very, very, very late but is finally finished :) And yes, okay, I killed another dog, but in my own defense this time it was on request. Blame joyo? Many, many thanks to absolutedestiny for being my sounding board and keeping my secrets. <3

Download (69 MB) -- right click/save as

( streaming under the cut )

So, I am kind of dead curious about something now. How old were you when your parents started allowing you to see rated R movies (and under what circumstances), and if you are a parent how old were your kids (or will your kids be) when you allow them? And also, I'm kind of wondering if when you were born affects this, because there were actually a lot more on the No You May not list for my kid than there were on my parent's list for me, even though we had roughly the same rules about it, on account of I think there were more movies with the kinds of graphic violence and extreme situations when my kid was growing up than when I did.

Like, okay...I mentioned in comments of the navel gazing post...in my house growing up, once we hit about, I guess 10 or 11 if one or both of my parents were going to see a rated R movie we were pretty much allowed to go with if we wanted as long as it didn't appear there would be excessive violence/gore/adult situations on the extreme sort of end mostly, or we could go to whatever other movie that was PG playing at the same time or whatever. We weren't allowed to go *without* a parent, and there were some movies on the No You May Not list even with until about I...want to say around 14, when I was basically allowed to go see whatever I wanted with or without a parent.

Just, in general my parents had pretty lax rules about media consumption in that we were allowed to read whatever we wanted from always (if you could pull it off a shelf and read the words in it? then it was your decision). Open communication was always encouraged about whatever it is we were reading or watching, but the decision (except, like I said up there in the case of movies with high gore/violence content) was up to us? Which, I don't know if it was just the lack of taboo, or if I was a boring kid, but to be honest most of the time I opted for the more 'kid friendly' movie in the theater, and the only arguments I remember about the No You May Not list was my growing love of horror at the time, and not being allowed to see a lot of those movies in theater (and on VHS) until a few years later.

In terms of my own kid, I mostly followed the same sort of deal. Read anything you want. Light restriction of movies/tv in that nudity/swearing were not dealbreakers but extreme violence of any kind would be until teenage years, when I started leaving it up to him.

So how did your parents handle it? And how do you/would you (if applicable) handle/plan to handle it with your own kids?

And...the second navel gazing post, Harrison Ford style now. I took to calling this 'the least secret treat ever' because it kind of was? Basically the second sweetestdrain said she was considering asking for it, I kinda capslocked all over her IF YOU ASK FOR IT, I WILL MAKE IT, ASK FOR WITNESS, ASK. So, um, I ended up being pretty lax about the whole 'secret' thing while making it, though I did manage to entirely avoid posting in public anywhere, which is kind of like keeping a secret?

( Witness: In which an adolescent Eunice has her heart CRUSHED ENTIRELY and carries this pain with her for 28 years waiting to vid it out. And also must now add 'septic shock' to turn ons list due to recent bisexuality producing unexpected pants feelings for Harrison Ford )

I'm gonna make my long navel gazing post later regardling all my thoughts and feelings (and, you guys, I have a LOT OF FEELINGS to talk about) and the bald faced lying I did when I have more brain to type. For now, I will just reveal that I made two festivids:

I Wanna Rock (Storm Chasers)

and

You Were A Kindness (Witness)

I have watched and commented on ALL the festivids (well, I think? there are a lot of them and I still have to go back through the list and make sure I didn't miss any, and also when I have a good internet moment approach the download only vids, because I skipped those on account of bandwidth). I was gonna put together a rec list, but it would have been three pages long, so instead I implore you to go poke around the list and watch things, because there are some amazing things.

But anyway, watching vids makes me want to talk about vids, but also there is a particular confusing thing for me when I'm talking to other vidders about working with the beat that I would kinda like to explore more in depth. Or, rather, I understand what they are talking about, but the vocabulary ends up confusing me because of my history with learning how to time, and I am always looking to understand things better.

Let us go back in time for a moment, to that hazy past in which I was constantly cutting on a silent oboe in my drafts and my betas despaired of my complete lack of understanding of musical structure. Good times. But anyway, probably the most useful thing to happen to me in that time of attempting to understand was that time heresluck sat down with me in a hotel room and spent several hours teaching me how to find the bassline (and, um, what a bassline even *was*). Because the thing I took away from that was that drummers gotta drum, and guitarists gotta slide, and singers gotta wail, but most (though not all) of the time your bassist is a soothing, reliable line of calming sanity and structure grooving along underneath it all and keeping everything from flying apart.

So, basically...although I do sometimes rely on the backbeat, for the most part when I'm in the process of marking out the beat in my song (and determining the math for keeping it through confusing bits), it is your friendly neighborhood bass line I turn to. And. So, I do not know if I am doing it wrong, or talking about something completely different, or just using vastly less complex music? But when people talk about the beat or even the tempo 'changing' in a song...this...almost never happens to me? Like, the music may feel faster or slower depending on what the instrumentation and vocals are doing and that has a lot of influence on the lengths of clips I use or the motion in them. But what I think of as 'the beat' rarely, rarely changes. If it is 21 frames over here, it is 21 frames over there, regardless of whether or not the drummer is suddenly channeling Animal or the singer decides to go super quiet and croon out a note that goes on forever. There have been times where the tempo has changed, but I find I'm always kinda surprised when it does, because the vast majority of the time even when it sounds on first listen like it does...it...doesn't?

And I really don't know if that's because I'm doing it wrong (though the method seems to be working for me since I implemented it so even if it is wrong, I'm not sure I care), or because I'm just using way less complex music, or because my definition of 'a beat' is some bizarre thing I made up in my head because I was confused. I suspect that last is probably the reality of the situation.

Many, many years ago I was just starting this whole 'vid' thing and poking around the edges of fandom and kinda scared when I found a message board called Band of Buggered, run by the snarkily hysterical valerie_z. And there I found my first fandom home, and in very large part due to her, my first vidding community. Those of you who were there will remember how she could crack the whole board up, how much fun it was, how much we all learned and played and were goofballs and fans and vidders and it was amazing. How many incredibly close friendships were formed there. My life would not exist in its current form without Val. It just wouldn't. We hadn't talked much in the last few years, but I still looked forward to her posts because the honesty and sly biting humor she had about her own life were always insightful and amazing. I meant to comment more. I didn't mean to let her friendship slip so far away. I meant to.

We lost Val today. The world lost her, and it is a poorer place without her in it. Thank you Val. Thank you for everything you gave me, and the world you opened up to me. I will miss you forever, and I wish I'd thought to let you know that before now.