All vids posted are default 'choose not to warn' and may contain either content or physical triggers. If you have specific questions about any individual vid you'd like to watch but are unsure of, I am more than open to answering them, so please feel free to shoot me a PM or email (anonymously or not) any time, and I will answer to the best of my ability.
Sticky all purpose feedback post, now with correct information!

Vids made since mid-2007 can be found under the 'my vids' tag or at the Dreamwidth, Livejournal and AO3 (coming soon!) posts for each vid. Earlier vids at fan-eunice.com.

Warnings Policy

Times Like These (All Dogs Go To Heaven) DW|LJ|AO3

You Were A Kindness (Witness) DW|LJ|AO3

I Wanna Rock (Storm Chasers) DW|LJ|AO3

Barton Hollow (Homeland) DW|LJ|AO3

Hoping Machine (Harry Potter) DW|LJ|AO3

Love Hurts (Haven, Nathan cries on a beach challenge) DW|LJ|AO3

When My Boy Walks Down The Street (Ferris Beuller's Day Off) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Karma (Legend of Billie Jean) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Moon Rising (Beetlejuice) DW|LJ|AO3

Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me (Mythbusters) DW|LJ|AO3

Shine (Thelma & Louise) DW|LJ|AO3

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise (Stand By Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Once a Thief) DW|LJ|AO3

(Keep Feeling) Fascination(Valley Girl) DW|LJ|AO3

Roll With the Changes (How To Train Your Dragon) DW|LJ|AO3

November Rain (Blade Runner) DW|LJ|AO3

Father and Daughter (Punky Brewster) DW|LJ|AO3

So You Say (Little House on the Prairie) DW|LJ|AO3

Unsound (Smallville) DW|LJ|AO3

Legends Never Die (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

The Eleventy Project, an attempt to vid every episode of S5 as it airs. (Doctor Who)
  • Break The Night With Color (episode 5x10) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Sunglasses at Night (episodes 5x08 & 5x09) DW|LJ|AO3
  • I (episode 5x07) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Twilight Omens (episode 5x06) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Can You See The Lights (episodes 5x04 & 5x05) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Voulez-Vous (episode 5x03) DW|LJ|AO3
  • See Who I Am (episode 5x02) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Walking On Sunshine (episode 5x01) DW|LJ|AO3

Mother Mary (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Now and Then (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Simon Says (Doomsday) DW|LJ|AO3

Dreams (Marley & Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Charles In Charge (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

TKO (itty bitty titty committee) DW|LJ|AO3

Then The Morning Comes (Galaxy Quest) DW|LJ|AO3

Never Loved A Man (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Ever Fallen In Love (Hard Core Logo) DW|LJ|AO3

Papa Don't Preach w/greensilver (Torchwood/Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Taking Chances (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

And She Was (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Don't Touch That Dial (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Moons of Jupiter (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Forever Young (Highlander) website only

Whatever It Takes (Bend it Like Beckham) website only

Lullaby (Dead Poets Society) website only

Running Down A Dream (SGA) website only

Swing Down Chariot (Dogma) website only
fan_eunice: (Default)
( May. 30th, 2014 11:52 am)
Been absent for reasons, but why not make a random and utterly shallow post about Arrow out of nowhere? I can't think of a reason not to.

I started marathoning it last week as a method of avoiding vidding and am now in the back half of season 2 (I expect I will finish catching up by tomorrow or the next day). This show is ridiculously fun you guys. If you're not watching it already, give it a go. There are many, many reasons why I have ended up clapping my hands like a baby seal while watching. Many. Most of them related to the kind of absurd OTT superheroes/villians and the world they live in tropes that just please me in my soul and continually make me regret that (despite multiple efforts) the format of print comics does not, in general, work for me. Also, everyone ever shows up on it eventually. No, really everyone. You start thinking they have to run out of 'OMG that actor just showed up TOO?' moments eventually. Except they don't, they just keep on coming.

But I'm even shallower than that in terms of what can get me to make an actual post on the internet these days. Yeah, shipping. Obviously, anyone who has met me for more than five seconds would have known I'd jump on Felicity/Oliver practically from the second they met (I did). Brains/Brawn is towards the very top of my 'autoship' list. Make it awkward sciency brains plus emotionally broken brawn fighting crime and it may as well have been giftwrapped with a bow and a card saying 'For Eunice Specifically' on it. I ship it so hard you don't even know.

And then. AND THEN. So I've been flirting with various OT3 and multishipping options all along 'cause that's how I roll, and will likely do so for as long as I'm watching (particularly when they give me so many reasons to). BUT OH MY GOD, and now I cut because the very existence of this character is a spoiler:

An OT3 OF MY VERY DREAMS )
fan_eunice: (Default)
( May. 13th, 2014 11:37 am)
It has been awhile since I have posted because reasons, but what the hey. I shall do a meme.

Anyone who feels like it should post their ten most CRUCIAL CRUCIAL CRUCIAL-ASS movies, like the movies that explain everything about yourselves in your current incarnations (not necessarily your ten favorite movies but the ten movies that you, as a person existing currently, feel would help people get to know you) (they can change later on obviously).

The direction I went with in picking the list was essentially movies that were deeply formative for whatever reason in my youth/young adulthood, because they are the roots of the tree that is me, or whatever silly metaphor you prefer. Unsurprisingly I have actually ended up vidding several of the movies list, heh. It was still tough narrowing, though. I...actually have no idea what this list says about me overall as a person.

The Muppet Movie
Empire Strikes Back
Valley Girl
The Right Stuff
Some Kind of Wonderful
Witness
Nightmare on Elm Street
Thelma and Louise
While You Were Sleeping
Terminator 2
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Feb. 9th, 2014 07:41 am)
Ack!! For reasons which boil down to 'brain' I thought today was Saturday and that I had a whole 24 hours before reveals to finish commenting and get my signed versions up. Did you know it's not Saturday and reveals are today? I just put the unsigned streaming in my posts for now, but will have signed up for downloading as well as streaming later this afternoon. Ooops?

This year I made:

This Could All Be Yours (Big) for [personal profile] rhoboat

and

Teardrop (Hard Candy) for [personal profile] goodbyebird
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Jan. 27th, 2014 04:03 pm)
So you guys. FESTIVIDS IS HAPPENING. I have not been great with the words and the brain of late, and I wanted to make my GO WATCH MY VIDS SOMEONE MADE FOR ME post when I had better words (and to my festividders for whom I was only able to manage random flailing capslock, I swear better comments are coming from me when I do). But I'm not sure when words are happening so I point them to you with the flailing anyway.

So y'all.

Stop Dragging My Heart Around (Indiana Jones). An Indy/Marion vid, you guys. I got an Indy/Marion vid. On the off chance that didn't cause you to go running (not walking) towards the link, what is wrong with you. I'll just be over there flapping my hands in an embarrassing fashion that ends with me accidentally hitting myself in the face and then not caring that I may have broken my own nose.

The Moment of Truth and Tonight You're Perfect (The Last Starfighter). And I also got not one, but TWO The Last Starfighter vids. TWO OF THEM. For meeeee and my mom. In a circumstance where 'your mom' is the exact opposite of an insult and a thing of LOVE. I will be honest with you now that this has happened, that I actually spent some of the run up to festivids secretly pouting a bit expecting that I wouldn't get a Last Starfighter vid at all and I really, really wanted one? AND THEN I GOT TWO. Both of which gave me so many feelings y'all. So. Many. Feelings. I can't. Words. THIS MOVIE. MY CHILDHOOD. THESE VIDDERS. MY MOM.
vid warning policy

Title: Teardrop
Artist: Jose Gonzalez
Fandom: Hard Candy


Summary: Teardrop on the fire of a confession

Download: Working on it!! Will be up soon :)

Streaming under the cut (unsigned, working on getting a signed version up) )

Made for [personal profile] goodbyebird, Festivids 2013
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Jan. 15th, 2014 09:48 am)
I'm not up to responding to comments on my last entry, but so many hugs for the support...it most definitely helps. <3 <3 <3

I am off the mountain and back in Wisconsin for the time being which is a very good thing.

Current method of distraction remains SGA (and a little bit of SG-1). Been reading a lot of McShep fic, old and newer that I missed over the past few years. The best thing about it is how many of my favorite tropes end up in SGA fic. Accidentally dating!!! Hypothermia made them cuddle!!! Aliens made them do it!!! Trapped on/in an alien planet/transporter/puddlejumper!!! Sentient Atlantis is a matchmaker!!! Thought you were dead/ascended!!!

But most of all. Above all else. PINING. So. Much. Pining. And y'all, no one but no one pines like John Sheppard. It is his gift. He is like the perfect storm of pining. He only wishes he was as good at blowing himself up as he is at pining. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing (but only when he gets the boy in the end, unrequited pining is my anti-kink).
vid warning policy

Title: This Could All Be Yours
Artist: Guster
Fandom: Big


Summary: In a blink your life could change

Download: Working on it!! Will be up soon :)

Streaming under the cut (unsigned, working on getting a signed version up) )

Made for [personal profile] rhoboat, Festivids 2013
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Jan. 9th, 2014 12:53 pm)
It's More Joy Day!!!

I have not exactly been having a joyful time of it as of late, but all the more reason to make some :D :D

So I'm resurrecting a thing I've done a couple times for More Joy. FREE HUGS, RIGHT HERE, COME AND GET THEM. This post is a hug free for all zone. Want a hug? Comment and get some. Feeling huggy? Hug other commenters! Know someone who needs a hug? Send 'em here, and I promise at least one. Puppy piles of hugs between both friends and strangers encouraged.

Now LETS GET HUGGING.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 31st, 2013 12:29 pm)
For reasons that would be utterly boring to go into I am having a crappy time of it, so my meme posts will be delayed for awhile (I will pick them up later, though, for promise). Trying not to disappear entirely for the time being, so happy new year to you all.

I have been dealing with crap in the time honored tradition of marathoning canon I already know well enough that it doesn't matter when I can't focus. This time it's been SGA, which I have rewatched the entirety of over the last couple weeks or so. And y'all, I remain utterly enamored with John Sheppard's death wish. I just. It is still one of my favorite character aspects of anyone ever.

On the one hand it offers so many avenues of serious speculation on the pyschological why behind his burning desire to throw himself on any and every passing grenade. No one that determined to go out in a blaze of suicide mission glory is anything less than utterly fucked in the head. Like, somehow just saving people isn't enough? Until he manages to sacrifice himself in place of someone else it won't make up for...whatever guilt he has assigned to himself. I find myself wondering if it was in place prior to Afghanistan or not. Like, was that clusterfuck just one more in the series of attempts to blow himself up for the greater good, or was the failure there and subsequent survivor guilt the origins of it? I think you could go either way. And either way you're left with John Sheppard being not right in the head.

On the other hand, it is also fucking hilarious to me that he continually fails in his repeated attempts to blow himself up. Like, the sheer number of times he has thrown himself on that proverbial grenade, only to find himself alive and well after is enough to set me off into giggles for days. He tries so hard. Like, he has one thing on his to do list: 'die in blaze of sacrificial glory' just sitting there waiting to get checked off, but no matter how many times he goes for it, after the smoke clears there he is. I don't know if it makes me a bad person how funny I find that. I just...he's probably going to die in his bed of extreme old age, forever frustrated by last minute saves pulling his ass out of the fire. This will never not be funny to me.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 16th, 2013 12:27 pm)
Before I get to today's meme post, let me tell you a story about my morning. See, I got a full timeline last night on my festivid assignment, and you know, I was thinking that my rough timing was particularly rough this time out. But that was okay, because I'd fix it in clean up. So this morning I start that clean up and I still can't get the timing to save my life. And after several hours of bashing my head against it is when I finally noticed what I had done. Y'all. My source is 23.976 fps. Somehow I had set my sequence to 25 fps. And my export to 29.97 fps. No. I have no idea how this happened. I would think I was drunk when I set it up, only I don't drink? Fugue state? I HAVE NO IDEA. Just...thank god I am in CS4 where I can have multiple timelines in the same project, so I could make a new sequence that was correct and just copy/paste over. I still have a fuckload of readjusting all the clips that is adding way more time than I'd hoped on this, but at least now I know what the problem was. WHAT THE HELL.

So anyway, today's talking meme post. thirdblindmouse wants to know: Zod. Tell us.

You guys. You guys. Normally I am a completist who would scoff at not watching a show from the beginning and all seasons up to the point at which one walks away. Season 9 of Smallville, however. IS MY FAVORITE. I say this only having watched the first season and change before that. And I still have no desire to go back and watch the huge chunk of seasons I missed? But SEASON 9. IS AMAZEBALLS. And the reason is simple. Because we should all KNEEL BEFORE ZOD. Well, a younger clone version of Zod, as is the case here. Played by Callum Blue, who rocks it hardcore. Zod is just. My perfect tv villain. He is intense and commanding, his motivations and backstory are understandable and compelling but he's never squishy woobie. You cannot take your eyes off him when he's on screen being awful in the best ways. He has holy shit amazingly fucked up chemistry with Tess that melts the screen as they go at each other (in all senses of the phrase). Just. Season 9 is worth your time, is what I'm saying. Because Zod. OMFG ZOD!
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 15th, 2013 04:00 pm)
Holy crap I am behind on the meme. In positive news, this is because I am actually working on my festivid instead of aggresively ignoring the timeline. Since there are enough days left open, I'm just going to push everything forward some dates :)

Today goes to serrico who wants to know your vids--which ones are your favourites, and why? Do you rewatch your own vids frequently, rarely, or not at all? Is there one you wish you could re-make for any reason?

Favorite vids. Barton Hollow is, I think, easily my best vid and the one I look to when I need reminding that I am not entirely a one trick pony. I pushed myself in all kinds of ways making it, and I remain rather pleased at how it turned out. Favorite to make, nothing has topped Ever Fallen In Love because it was far and away the easiest and most fun to vid experience I've had. I hit vid farr almost immediately and never left it through the whole process. Possibly that is because Hugh Dillon is magical? I dunno, I still like it as a vid too, and somehow that feels like cheating, the entire lack of angst involved in making it and in the final product (except for Joe's angst, poor bunny).

Do I rewatch my own vids frequently? Nope, I almost never rewatch my vids once they have been released into the wild. This is partly because I watch them a hundred billionty times while making them, and by the time I'm done I could tell you what is happening at any given precise second without even checking. It is also partly because I have a tendency to hyperfocus on that three frames that are off, OFF I TELL YOU, and why did I choose that clip and so on. And since I am not going to go back and fix anything that has already had a fork jammed into it, this translates into mostly me beating myself up. The exception is sometimes when I am convinced that I will never vid again because I don't know how, I will break into the 'finished vids' folder and rewatch a few of my more successful vids as proof that I do actually know how to do this thing.

Is there a vid I wish I could remake? Huh, you know the answer is no. There is laziness that factors in (I've had to just remaster a vid before and ugh), but also, once a vid is out in the world I feel like it is representative of me and what I could do at that time, good, bad, or just plain weird...to remake would feel like, I dunno, rewriting history? It wouldn't feel right at all.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 13th, 2013 10:48 am)
Today's not meme post is because I have finally got around to watching Sons of Anarchy. It's been on my list for awhile now, since I promised Zen I'd give it a go, but it's also in that category of show that I have to be in the right mood to watch. If a show is either primarily comedic or if it is full of tragic serious business the right headspace is crucial to my getting into it.

For a show like Sons of Anarchy I need to be in a place where I can feel strong emotions, and where primarily negative emotions like fear and sadness and anger are cathartic rather than destructive. Yesterday was one of those days, so I stocked up on stress relief junk food and hit the Netflix to marathon season 1. And SoA delivered.

These are not nice people doing not nice things in a deeply compelling way. I find myself fascinated by most of the characters even as I don't actually like most of them. Gemma is not a good person, but holy shit do I love her as a character. That woman has conviction about what she wants, why she wants it, who she wants it from, and how she wants it, and absolutely zero compunction about doing whatever it takes to get it. This is her world, she rules it, and you had better not forget it. I find it kind of impossible not to admire that, even while both the methods and ends desired make me go holy shit, you are not a good person, omfg. Gemma is kind of my favorite right now.

Surprisingly to me, at the moment Jax is kind of my least favorite. There are characters I actively hate where I don't hate Jax (I find both Clay and Tig to be gross as hell and want them both to die a lot). But while I was initially really sympathetic to Jax his....for lack of a better word...passivity through the season started to REALLY ANNOY ME A LOT. Dude, just sack up and make a decision, any decision. He spends so much time thinking and angsting about the implications of everything and so little time doing fuck all about any of it, that for a good chunk of the season it's like he's just sort of drifting from external event to external event that happened because other people were making decisions and doing shit while he was making thoughtful sadfaces and contemplating his dad's writings. Come on asshole, get in the damn game, because I want to actually back you here, but you gotta do something other than just react after the fact to....everything. Given the season 1 finale I have grand hopes that Jax has finally shaken off his paralysis and is going to do something. *fingers crossed*

And, y'know, he better because of the side characters who have gained my attention/investment Opie is near the top of the list. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING, BTW, AND IT WAS FUCKING DEVASTATING. Like, I went in expecting death and horrible things and I thought I was braced for the right thing when shit started to go so bad, only it turned out I was bracing in the wrong direction and got punched hard right in the gut and it was painful, oh my god.

I also find myself fascinated by Tara. Who is so unbelievably messed up in complicated ways that I am deeply intrigued by. Why she left. Why she came back and how that played out. Her antagonistic relationship with Gemma. What she sees in Jax and why. This is not a healthy individual, and watching her issues unravel and tangle around her is kind of deeply compelling.

And also, overall the entire politics of outlaws as it plays out internally and in interaction with the town and law enforcement and rival and partner outlaws (and how that shifts)...it's intriguing. And packed with characters whose stories I want to know better, whether because I find myself developing affectionate feelings or because I want to set them on fire.

So, yes. Defnitely going to watch the rest of this show. It will probably end up breaking me in so many ways, but I'm in for the ride. Damn you, Zen. <3
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 12th, 2013 05:45 pm)
My actual meme post for the day, laura47 wants to know why she should watch Haven. And I need to preface this by saying I haven't actually seen much of the current season, because it's one of the ones I let build up to watch in one big go.

The short answer can be summed up in two letters and a number that, if you have this inclination, should have you running to consume this canon without stopping to pass go:

O. T. 3. baby. OT3. OT3. OT3. (yes, it needed to be repeated). And not just an OT3, but one in which the canon somehow manages to allow all 3 members to be canonically interested in each other without falling into the typical soapy love triangle jealousy bullshit. There is a primary pairing that appears to be endgame in show, because sadly an actual OT3 conclusion is beyond what a network is willing to give, I imagine. But it takes barely a squint to work past in the interest of a threesome. It's not just Audrey/Nathan that has strong underpinnings to work from. Audrey/Duke, Duke/Nathan, and Audrey/Duke/Nathan all three together is just...handed to you on a silver platter. Repeatedly.

Okay, so maybe you need more than a solid, nearly canonical OT3. So let us discuss. If you are a Stephen King fan, you might be interested to know that it has its origins in the short story The Colorado Kid (origins are very, very, very, very loosely based...more of a smidgen of a nod). But if you enjoy sly nods and shoutouts to King in general, the first two seasons in particular will have you going 'OMG, they did that' at the screen and giggling in recognition.

Let us also discuss the Troubles. The mystical puzzle that fuels the series, and since you asked for not so much with the spoilers, I won't get into any of the details of anything we've learned about the how and the why and the who and the various surrounding thingies (though I suspect those who are caught up know even more than I do at this point). But I can say some of the revelations will blow your mind, and even if it goes off the rails at some point those 'holy SHIT' moments are worth your time.

See, this sleepy little town of Haven has a problem. Every 28 years, some of its population become afflicted with supernatural powers, known as the Troubles. And not cool stuff like suddenly being able to fly or whatever. No, more like the kind of thing that causes distress and isolation and inconvenience at best and horrific pain and death and destruction to those around you at worst. Why? How? Who? gives you a solid multi-season mytharc framework to follow with aforementioned holy shit moments. But also, it is the perfect vehicle for your monster of the week eps and a way to explore character development and relationships through the metaphorical lens of whatever Trouble is front and center. Particularly because the Troubles themselves are always tied to emotional states.

At the center of all of this you've got Audrey, Nathan, and Duke. And together they fight crime. Er. Troubles. Er. Troubled crimes. Each of whom is deeply loveable in their own way (well, Nathan is sometimes hard to love but he gets over it) and central to the mysteries of the Troubles themselves. And I'm having trouble (heh, trouble) articulating why without ending up going into spoilery detail but they really, really are. Audrey is just super smart and competent and badass and endlessly compassionate in the face of shit that would make me crawl under my bed and refuse to ever come out again. Nathan comes with a bucketload of issues and feelings (so many feelings), but he's doing his best and he genuinely cares about his town and others and in his best moments will make you go AWWWWWW a lot. Duke is pretty much the definition of loveable rogue, operating outside the law sometimes maybe, but never outside my heart as he struggles to be the man he wants to be, and not the one forced on him by circumstance or destiny (and to say more would be spoilery as hell). <3 <3 <3 <3 to all three of them.

So you should watch it. And report back. :D
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 12th, 2013 08:36 am)
This is not my meme post for today (I'll do that later today), but posting more has got me in the habit again of thinking about stuff I want to post about. And having a future Dean/Cas post in the works had me thinking about shipping and slash shipping and a thing, so here I go.

See, one of the things that used to appeal to me a lot about old school slash shipping is that it, by its very nature, precluded the particular brand of shipping/fannish nuttiness that is, how does one refer to this....canon wars, I guess? The idea that a slash ship would or could become canon was so far off in the realms of fairy tale land that it just wasn't an issue. And while the slash world had its own brand of drive you batty implosions and wars and 'what the hell are you smoking?' moments, what it didn't have was the intense 'NO MY SHIP WILL BE CANON OR THE WORLD WILL BURN' nonsense that lead to things like full page newspaper ads about implicit promises and creator harassment and detailed manifestos on why a failure to canon was a betrayal against all humanity and puppies. I appreciated it because that shit is annoying and has a tendency to feed on itself into a frenzy that makes you want to bang your head against a wall in the hopes that the eventual concussion will block all memory of it.

But. But. The absence of that particular brand of nuttiness was based in something not that great. That a canon same sex pairing was impossible. And so I find myself, in a weird way, kind of chuffed at the current explosion of MY SHIP WILL BE CANON OR ELSE among the slash world. I mean, it still makes me want to bang my head against a wall until the concussion kicks in. But it's also sort of amazing at the same time.

Not for what it says about the individual ships or their chances at canon (because I don't think they have any chance in hell, sorry Sterek and Destiel shippers, not this time). But for what it says about the newer and incoming wave of fannish kids. That they find the expectation of a same sex pairing on a popular television show to be something that is reasonably within reach. A thing that not only should happen, but could happen. And why shouldn't it be their fave while we're at it. That's...actually quite remarkable.

So yes, they are often ridiculous and histrionic and bratty and entitled and have issues, and lord knows some of the tantruming manages to get kinda homophobic itself (particularly in the exclusion and ignoring of canonically queer characters where they exist). And maybe 'so slash shippers can also participate in my least favorite brand of shipping entitlement' was not exactly on my top ten list of goals for queer representation. But yeah, damned if I'm not kinda secretly grinning a little while my head hits the wall.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 11th, 2013 10:21 am)
[personal profile] heresluck wanted my three of my favorite Vividcon memories. This is hard! There are so many, Vividcon has been the highlight of my year since the first time I went and *flaily hands*. Imma go with two Vividcons which sort of sum up everything about why.

1. The first few hours of my very first Vividcon. I do not do well with strangers and new environments. Going to Vividcon at all scared the crap out of me, and at the time I'd only met [personal profile] heresluck and [personal profile] renenet in person, neither of whom would be at the hotel when I got there. I was also in the process of moving cross country and my dad was caravaning with me in the u-haul (which he would continue on with after leaving me at the hotel). [personal profile] sisabet was to be my roommate but also wouldn't be at the hotel until later, and I was so freaked out I asked him to walk into the hotel with me. To be honest, I was five seconds away from ditching the con altogether.

But sitting in the lobby was [personal profile] jackiekjono who I didn't know and didn't know me. She was eating blueberries and doing the what I now recognize as traditional Vividcon lobby arrival watch. And even though she didn't know me, she somehow recognized I was Of Her People and walked right up and introduced herself and when I kinda stood there half frozen after saying 'yes, I am here for Vividcon' cheerfully struck up a conversation with my father about his VMI t-shirt and gently brought me in without acting like I was acting weird at all and got me to sit with her and open up until my dad felt comfortable leaving me there.

And then two more ladies I did not recognize (because I did not recognize anyone) wandered by and said hi to jackie and when I mentioned my roommate would not be there until later, immediately offered to let me stash my bag in their room while I waited and herded me on to the elevator with them while introducing themselves. It was luminosity and elyn, and I had a moment of OMG when I kind of shyly told them who I was, because I'd talked to Lum online but I was not worthy. Only she immediately grabbed me into a warm hug and said how glad she was to have me there, and she really sounded like she meant it so I believed her. Up in their room they chattered away about fannish things and vids and again did not act like I was strange when I spent most of my time sitting there with a deer in the headlights thing going on. And then Lum goes 'There is someone I have to introduce you to, come with me.' And she took me to Zen's room, whom I had never crossed paths with before that moment, but who changed my life forever, because. Shoot, just read my journal from the last however many years and look for Zen.

At some point I went to see if [personal profile] sisabet had checked in yet and I was starting to get freaked out again because how would I even recognize her and what if she hated me and still had to share a room with me all weekend long? Which is when I stepped off the elevator and walked right past her getting on. And asked the next person if they'd seen her and they were all 'you...just stepped right by her?'. I was in the middle of working my way into a right panic and crashing bout of self-hatred about how stupid I was when Liz found me again, except she made it seem so funny in the way that she does and turned it into A Story in the way that she does and before I knew it I was in our room getting settled in and chattering away and it wasn't a disaster at all. And Vividcon was not a scary place filled with people I didn't know who would shun and reject me or turn my awkwardness into an excuse to leave me in a corner by myself for the weekend. It was a place where I belonged. And people wanted me there. And my entire life changed. <3

2. During the Cancer Year, one thing was certain. I was not going to miss Vividcon. And I didn't. Y'all, I was rough that year, but no one made me feel weird about not having eyebrows or being swollen from the steroids or basically looking and acting like death warmed over. They did, however, express care and love in the time honored tradition of fangirls everwhere. Knitting. Every time I turned around another lovingly knitted hat was being handed to me (and in the case of [personal profile] sisabet a knitted dalek that said 'EXTERMINATE' when you squeezed it. There was pretty much the perfect mix of caring concern and black humor (the memory of liz telling everyone I just got cancer for attention, and lum calling me a cancer ridden liar in the middle of a card game will put me on the floor laughing to this day).

Now, if you have been to Vividcon there is something about Club Vivid you know. It gets ridiculously hot and sweaty as the night goes on. Earlier that day, [personal profile] jarrow had been talking about how he had plans to strip off his shirt at some point and I jokingly said I was going to as well, because since I no longer had boobs. Which turned into Zen daring me to. So, in part because it was clear they didn't think I would, when the time came I did, in fact, strip off my shirt with John to an immediate wave of cheers and catcalls from the room. And I can't really dance, and I felt like shit but I sort of shuffled on to the dance floor, where Sandy came bopping up laughing her ass off and started dancing with me (well, she was dancing, I was doing the aforementioned shuffling). And with a giant grin on her face went 'that's cheating' and starting laughing again which set me off laughing. And you know what, fuck cancer because it could not take that moment ever.


And that's what Vividcon means to me, right there.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 10th, 2013 10:01 am)
Today's post is for [personal profile] shati who wants to know favorite things to draw? however you interpret that

I haven't actually made an art post in awhile in large part because I hit a rather frustrating plateau. For two reasons, really.

The first is that the initial flurry of dramatic improvement as I was getting into it came down to finally understanding and being able to utilize concepts I just did not get before. These things rocked my world and allowed me to do things with a pencil I never thought I'd be capable of ever. It was awesome. Only now we have moved beyond that initially flurry comes the harder and slower work of building on that. Which I am! And still find incredibly satisfying rewarding. Just, it isn't the kind of progress that is quite as cool or dramatic from the outside.

And on top of that, the ability to obsessively sit and practice, practice, practice is not something I can physically actually do. Because between the lymphedema and shoulder issues on that side as a result of surgery, sustained repetitive motion with my dominant arm is a no go. I ignored the warnings when I was in the initial flurry referenced above and it resulted in very bad things that included painkillers and an inability to draw at all while taking care of flareups. I'm much more careful now about limiting the time I spend and enforcing breaks while I do. Good for my physical health, but not so fantastic for momentum. :)

So basically, I am still enamored with and pursuing learning to draw, I just don't have anything to show for it as of late. But my favorite thing to draw, the thing that keeps me going back to my sketchpad because I want it, and I want it bad. People. I'm downright fascinated at the way human beings are put together and desperately chasing the ability to capture that. The endless nuance in the emotions facial expressions can convey and the way the tiniest details can distinguish that face from a face. The way the human body is so fucking beautiful in the way it stretches and twists and bends and the endless configurations of same. I don't just want to be just be able to get the technical details of an arm or whatever (and still working on that bit too, heh), what I want...what I really, really want is to find the space that captures the feeling of a body or face in motion and emotion. I don't know if I'll ever get there, because that is far more elusive than being able to accurately draw the anatomy of an eye. But that, that is what I love and what I want when I say I am learning to draw.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 9th, 2013 05:17 pm)
Second post so that I'm officially all caught up! For [personal profile] grammarwoman who wanted to know What is the One True Vid (or more, if you want) of your heart that you don't think you'll ever make?

There is a Doctor/Humanity vid that I have wanted to make for a very long time. In my head, it is epic and everything. If I could get it right it would be an expression of so many things I feel and think not just about the show and the Doctor and why they mean so much to me...but about humanity. I even have a song.

But making it would require not only going through eleven Doctor's worth of footage (and soon twelve) and deciding which things to use and how to make them work visually together (and bless all of you who've managed to make successful multi-doctor vids, you are magical)....but, in order to work like it does in my head, would also pull in a lot of external footage and decisions for what to include and what not to and how to put it all together so that it was right.

And I don't think that will ever happen, mostly because it's one of those things that it has to be right to match what it is in my head, and I don't even know if that's possible.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Dec. 9th, 2013 11:31 am)
I owe two, because yesterday was a seriously bad brain day and so I missed it. Will post second later today.

[personal profile] serrico wanted to know what my feelings were on how Supernatural left things at the mid-season hiatus. To which I can mostly just sort of stare helplessly and say 'I'll get back to you when the entire season has finished airing'. I swear this show is like the poster child for why I tend to prefer watching things as seasons instead of week to week, and I don't even know why I'm watching it that way this year. Well, yes I do, but most of those reasons are deeply shallow, and I am hoping to have enough willpower after the hiatus to wait to watch the rest in one chunk in the week of the season finale. I probably won't. *cries*

Even with the very best of shows, I have difficulty teasing out exactly what I think and feel about what's going on with active arc/plot/character development wise midstream. I much prefer the broader whole season context to really grapple with them. And with Supernatural, well, even in its very best seasons this show has, well, issues. Both in narrative structure/pacing and in it's tendency towards being deeply problematic about stuff. There are a great many things this season so far that are mashing my buttons in a good way, and more than a few that make me go 'really show? again? can you please, just once, not do that? or that. and also that.'

How I feel and what I think about where they left it? Is going to depend entirely on where they go with it over the rest of the year. *flails helplessly*
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