All vids posted are default 'choose not to warn' and may contain either content or physical triggers. If you have specific questions about any individual vid you'd like to watch but are unsure of, I am more than open to answering them, so please feel free to shoot me a PM or email (anonymously or not) any time, and I will answer to the best of my ability.
Sticky all purpose feedback post, now with correct information!

Vids made since mid-2007 can be found under the 'my vids' tag or at the Dreamwidth, Livejournal and AO3 (coming soon!) posts for each vid. Earlier vids at fan-eunice.com.

Warnings Policy

Times Like These (All Dogs Go To Heaven) DW|LJ|AO3

You Were A Kindness (Witness) DW|LJ|AO3

I Wanna Rock (Storm Chasers) DW|LJ|AO3

Barton Hollow (Homeland) DW|LJ|AO3

Hoping Machine (Harry Potter) DW|LJ|AO3

Love Hurts (Haven, Nathan cries on a beach challenge) DW|LJ|AO3

When My Boy Walks Down The Street (Ferris Beuller's Day Off) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Karma (Legend of Billie Jean) DW|LJ|AO3

Bad Moon Rising (Beetlejuice) DW|LJ|AO3

Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me (Mythbusters) DW|LJ|AO3

Shine (Thelma & Louise) DW|LJ|AO3

Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise (Stand By Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Once a Thief) DW|LJ|AO3

(Keep Feeling) Fascination(Valley Girl) DW|LJ|AO3

Roll With the Changes (How To Train Your Dragon) DW|LJ|AO3

November Rain (Blade Runner) DW|LJ|AO3

Father and Daughter (Punky Brewster) DW|LJ|AO3

So You Say (Little House on the Prairie) DW|LJ|AO3

Unsound (Smallville) DW|LJ|AO3

Legends Never Die (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

The Eleventy Project, an attempt to vid every episode of S5 as it airs. (Doctor Who)
  • Break The Night With Color (episode 5x10) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Sunglasses at Night (episodes 5x08 & 5x09) DW|LJ|AO3
  • I (episode 5x07) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Twilight Omens (episode 5x06) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Can You See The Lights (episodes 5x04 & 5x05) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Voulez-Vous (episode 5x03) DW|LJ|AO3
  • See Who I Am (episode 5x02) DW|LJ|AO3
  • Walking On Sunshine (episode 5x01) DW|LJ|AO3

Mother Mary (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Now and Then (China Beach) DW|LJ|AO3

Simon Says (Doomsday) DW|LJ|AO3

Dreams (Marley & Me) DW|LJ|AO3

Charles In Charge (Nightmare On Elm Street) DW|LJ|AO3

TKO (itty bitty titty committee) DW|LJ|AO3

Then The Morning Comes (Galaxy Quest) DW|LJ|AO3

Never Loved A Man (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Ever Fallen In Love (Hard Core Logo) DW|LJ|AO3

Papa Don't Preach w/greensilver (Torchwood/Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Taking Chances (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

And She Was (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Don't Touch That Dial (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Moons of Jupiter (Doctor Who) DW|LJ|AO3

Forever Young (Highlander) website only

Whatever It Takes (Bend it Like Beckham) website only

Lullaby (Dead Poets Society) website only

Running Down A Dream (SGA) website only

Swing Down Chariot (Dogma) website only
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Mar. 1st, 2016 09:45 am)
I started a long post but it just went super negative so I deleted it instead of posting. I am completely overwhelmed right now. The long and short of it is that the last year has brought into sharp relief just how unhappy I have been for a very long time, and how much of it is to do with how dependent I am, and now that I am back in my old situation it is becoming intolerable. Life, as I have learned, is far too short to spend it miserable.

I need a job. I need a job I can do from home because I still have the mental illness and physical disabilities that got me in this predicament in the first place. I need a job that will hire a 43 year old with no real work experience and an unerring habit of freezing like a deer in the headlights at the thought of filling out a job application or resume or anything remotely resembling 'selling' oneself. And it needs to pay enough to live on. Not well or anything. I have no objection to living poor if it's on my own dime. I just need to get out of here. I need to get out of here soon, and on my own steam, before it crushes me back into submission.

I am so fucked. Yes, this is the less negative post. I said to my therapist last year before all this started that I felt like I was fading away and disappearing entirely. As horrifying as the last 10 months have been, I have also been here. Present in the world. And now every day I can feel myself slipping away. It's terrifying. And worse, it's an insult to my best friend who grabbed on to every last second of life to the very end.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Feb. 13th, 2016 03:26 pm)
I haven't really posted in the last 9 months because I haven't been sure of what to say, really. I'm still not. I keep starting and stopping this post because. IDK. My best friend died. But she also lived. Every last minute. Guys, right after she told the doctors to cut it out with the doodads and medicines because she was done, she sent me down to the gift shop to get her chocolate. The last thing she drank was a Pepsi with more gusto and appreciation than I've seen foodies with a 5 star meal.

And it was also hard. Like being born, dying is hard work, I didn't realize how much. She wasn't in pain or distress in the way you might think, she was also heavily on the good drugs and not particularly conscious or coherent for most of the afternoon (her choice), but the body struggles to live even after you've told it that it's okay not to. Her body caught up with her choice about a half hour before she went and in the end it was so chill and so Zen, I can't even quantify it.

I thought I was okay, IDK, I think maybe I am. I learned more about embracing life and not fearing death and being grateful for every moment this year than I could have thought possible thanks to Zen being who she is. But when the arrangements were finalized for them to come take her body last night I realized I couldn't go with her. How is that possible? That is my job. To make sure she never, ever has to be alone in a scary new medical place, that someone who knows her and what she wants and where she keeps all the info they might need can speak for her when she can't, and remember things so she doesn't have to. And last night I had to let her go without me. I'm not sure I know how to do that yet.

So I don't really know what to say. Soon I will pick myself up and live like she wanted me to. Soon. Not today. Today me and Waffles are just gonna hang out under the blanket here wishing we could be doing our jobs.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Jun. 8th, 2015 08:00 am)
So anyway. Those of you who are friends with both of us already know that I am in Chicago staying at Zen and Pete's for I'm not sure how long. Obviously until they no longer need or want me here. Those of you who don't know, Zen is in the hospital right now facing a likely diagnosis of small cell lung cancer. She will get to come home soon (knock wood), and the business of tackling this bullshit will begin.

On the upside, Zen is still Zen and while everything about this sucks, there has been no shortage of laughter and fun and cookies and watching our reality shows and movies with appropriate commentary and doing what we do (good thing our mutual hobbies don't revolve around running marathons).

I keep trying to figure out what to say about all this, but it's mostly incoherent profanities. I guess I could tell you I quit smoking? I always wondered what it would take for that to happen since my own cancer didn't even manage it. But I cold turkey quit the second I heard about zen's chest x-ray and made a deal with the universe never to pick it back up again if it turned out to be nothing. I have incredibly angry words for the universe for backing out on that deal (I'm a superstitious atheist, okay). But even though the universe is a lying asshole, the quit remains and likely will forever because any time I even see a cigarette my reaction is intense loathing at the thing that is trying to kill my best friend even though she kicked it to the curb over three years ago, and even more rage at the people who make them. I want nothing to do with that bullshit. I wish I could feel more triumphant about finally quitting, but mostly I'm just sad.



So yeah. Fuck cancer with a rusty nail.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Apr. 22nd, 2015 10:59 am)
Posting every day miiiiight have been too ambitious of a goal. I'm going to keep trying, though. Anyhoo, today I talk about a thing I did not expect happening. Since you've met me, you probably know that I watch a lot of documentaries. So anyway, this morning I'm browsing around Netflix and I see this one called "Indie Game. The Movie." and I'm thinking, hey, why not. So I push play expecting to see a behind the scenes sort of thing on how the indie game industry works and it's history or whatever. Figure it will be an interesting way to kill some time and learn something.

That...is not what I took away from it. I mean, there's some of that, certainly. But what it was, for me anyway, ended up being an emotionally raw exploration of the vulnerabilities that drive creation and for good and bad, how it feels to make something and share it. I wish I were better at words to describe what I mean by that. I only know that by the time the documentary hit the 'release day'/'demo day' part for the two games it was following I had literally started crying and didn't stop until after the credits rolled (complicated tears, positive and negative).

It is very possible that this was just the result of my current brain issues and there is nothing particularly compelling or revealing to anyone who is not me? I only know when I woke up this morning 'Full on crying at a documentary about indie video games' was NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING. So there you go. That's my post for today.
Woo, I fixed it so I could actually upload vid to youtube so the post now contains a streaming version.

Well, I say I fixed it, but really what I did was run it through the newest version of llamaenc and it magically made it 29.97 fps without fucking it up, because Ian is a genius and whatnot and 'run it through llamaenc' has sort of become my go to for 'something technical is wrong with my vid, fix it' issues.

Anyhoo, my post for today aside from the update on getting my vid to stream is a post. Hello. I am glad my vidblock finally broke and hoping it continues (well, it sort of has to continue at least long enough to let me finish the auction vid I was bought for). Who knows, perhaps the power of a former boyband star feeding a kitten will lead to some of the 8 billion projects sitting on my hard drive actually getting worked on/finished.
Song: Step By Step
Artist: New Kids On The Block
Fandom: The Amazing Race (Jonathan and Harley)

Summary: Jonathan and Harley really want to get to Phil...step by step. Made for [personal profile] jarrow who I love more than the kittens in this vid but not more than Jonathan Knight, which jarrow totally understands.

Download link: Step By Step Download (right-click the link and save as, 51 mb)

streaming now available under the cut! )
Notes: So you know how I missed the last few days posting? This is the reason. My last post got me and [personal profile] jarrow talking about his crush since childhood on Jonathan Knight (FOR GOOD REASON) and I was, like, I should vid something by NKOTB to make up for my snotty teenage self and...so I made [personal profile] jarrow a prezzie. And in the process got even MORE squishy about Jonathan to the point where...like, you guys, I seriously want to put posters all over my wall and go back in time so I can subscribe to whatever Teen Beat type magazine in the 80s had features on what his favorite cereal is and stuff. *facepalm*
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Apr. 11th, 2015 07:51 pm)
Today I spent my time playing Peggle and am now catching up on Amazing Race. This does not make for an interesting post, but I had a goal, so there you go. But, I guess I can now say this after several eps of TAR.

Dear New Kids On The Block,

I am so, so sorry for every time I made fun of you when I was a snotty teenager. I didn't know Jonathan Knight was too precious for this world and that one day I would want to smother him with cuddles and go on vacation with him and his equally adorable boyfriend. Can we just rewind time and smack snotty teenage me and forget that whole thing happened, please?

Love,

grown up me
Goal: post daily, even if it's just a 'yup, still here' message.

I warn in advance, the way I am coping with a lot of my brain stuff is super random so if there is subject matter it is likely to be all over the place on any given day. Also, probably boring. Sorry? I plan to (subject to change, because who knows when a long whiny post about being crazy might suddenly seem like a good and cathartic idea) not post about the brain stuff itself, though.

Today it's programming. Specifically that programming has been added to my list of 'stuff I'd like to learn'. That's a long list, which I tend to jump around a lot on, getting obsessive for awhile and then jumping to something else on the list for awhile and then jumping back and ending up with a lot of 'knows a little about a lot' rather than a lot about anything, but anyhoo. I like to learn stuff?

Python is my starting point, and so far I'm having fun even though I have not progressed much beyond "Hello, world!". Current observation on learning materials for beginning programmers: oh my god, y'all, not all of us want to learn programming because we are also math geeks. Some of us enjoy logic and problem solving but loaaaathe math. more rambling and pi(e) )
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Apr. 9th, 2015 07:42 pm)
Is journaling even still a thing? Are y'all still out there? Anyhow, I have been having very bad brain for quite some time which has almost entirely disconnected me from the fannish community at large and left so much distance from so many people I care about...I miss you guys. I really have no point to this post except to make it, I guess. And say hi. HI! It really, really wasn't you. It was me. It still is me, but maybe I want to try being a little more present when I can at least.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Sep. 24th, 2014 10:43 am)
Opinions please! Yes, I'm still neck deep in Sims 4. In fact, I need your help! I've got John and Rodney leveled up exactly where I want them to be (kept meaning to update, but short version is their antics are still hilarious to me) and am comfortable enough playing them/familiar with the new game mechanics that it's time to move the rest of the team in the house and start populating the rest of the town with various atlantis and sg-1 people so I can rotate and watch the madness unfold (I have plans for a Genii house on the same block as AR-1, so I can play the evil/mischief aspirations with Koyla in particular and torture John....shut up, I only do it because I love him).

ANYWAY. My issue is that I have no idea what to do with Ronon. Even though there is currently not a politician option for Teyla, there is the Friend of the World aspiration and it is traditional that I give her gardening as a hobby in my Sims games (which will also bring in enough money that she won't need a regular job and give her a second aspiration once she's Friend of the World). But for Ronon I'm sitting here looking at the options for both aspirations/hobbies and careers and I can't quite get a handle on how to play him. Career and/or aspiration goals? I'm STUMPED. Can't give him the fishing aspiration because NO ONE gets that until I have played Jack O'Neill through it. None of the tech options are appropriate. Space Ranger only goes to SGC military personnel IMO, and Space Smuggler doesn't feel like the right fit either so I think astronaut is out. Help me choose, y'all.

These are the aspirations I currently have to choose from

These are the career options

I don't necessarily have to have both. Rodney has no official career except for briefly when he needed to level up in the tech career for the computer whiz aspiration after he finished Nerd Brain (he does make a butt ton of money now that he's leveled up freelancing/programming from home). I can either give him a throwaway aspiration and ignore it in favor of concentrating on entirely on a career. Or I can have him be a stay-at-home sim and focus solely on an aspiration. Or a combination of the two.

So, I dunno. Secret Agent who does woodworking in his spare time is I think where I'm leaning? HELP ME OUT.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Sep. 17th, 2014 04:42 pm)
Trying to post more often even though I'm still feeling rather disconnected from the world at large :)

Not Sims related: I took a long break from Who pretty much as soon as I heard Eleven was leaving because I was not ready to say goodbye to him yet (did the same thing when I heard the Ponds were going). I wanted my goodbyes to be bittersweet but not resentful, with the edge of excitment that comes from goodbye always meaning 'hello' in the Whoverse. Finally felt ready and marathoned up through The Time Of The Doctor. Cried buckets. Oh Eleventy...you will always be my Doctor in a way I'm not sure can ever be replicated, much as I may love your other selves. I will try to be in a headspace to actually post about it soon, and before I start Twelve (I need a bit to collect myself, though I am indeed ready to say hello).

Sims related: Wow, the various sims forums/boards make the worst of fandom look like a puppy playground, y'all. I wouldn't participate with a ten foot pole, but just skimming them is like drowning in toxic waste. Would not recommend. Was curious in the wake of the epic wars going on with the release of 4, and decided to play 2 and 3 again today after having spent so much time in 4 to form comparison. 2 is still everything, and I immediately got sucked into losing my entire morning and had to make myself stop. I think 4 may overtake it eventually (more on that in a second), but until it does 2 remains the reigning champion, making up for it's limitations and what it lacks on pure WTF charm.

What surprised me is that upon booting up 3, I had...absolutely no desire to play it. None. Surprising because 3 has the most stuff to do and places to go, and I love stuff and things to do with my sims. But I realized that actually I had spent most of my 'playing' time in it building stuff. And rearranging stuff. And setting stuff up. And very little with the actual sims. Because they are cold. I'm all for projecting on to my sims (obviously), and half the fun of the game is what you bring in your imagination to the party. But 3 lacks intimacy in a way I'm not sure I can put my finger on, other than I didn't realize just how much it was a one way street until I was away for a bit. Felt like I was pushing around dolls instead of forming a relationship with them. The world is great. The stuff is great. And...I realized I don't much care if I don't feel like my sims are playing with me, rather than me playing them if that makes any sense at all.

Which is why I will firmly plant my flag in the 'fuck the haters' camp regarding 4. It lacks stuff, yes. It even lacks stuff that isn't excusable even for a base game, and it's a bit buggy in places. I don't care. These sims are so full of life and charm and personality, and the way the world is set up puts me up close and personal with them in the same way they are in 2, only with even better sims themselves. Stuff can be added. Places to go and things to do can be added, and no doubt will be in the billionty expansion packs I'll probably go broke buying. A sim who gets me emotionally invested is priceless. And the mere thought of what it's going to be once it's expanded beyond the base game. I really, honestly, and truly think it could not just reach but surpass the epicness that is 2. And quickly.
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Sep. 13th, 2014 02:22 pm)
*facepalm*

A lot has happened in the lives of Sim John and Rodney, which I might write up later...some of it good, some hilariously bad, and some what hell (seriously, John and his unicorn). Also they are accidentally engaged now (I know it's too soon for that, but John was sad and jealous and Rodney and I panicked, okay...it'll be a long engagement). BUT JUST NOW. I. They've had a really active couple of days and today I was like, you know what I want? I want some boringly fluffy domestic curtain fic for a little while. And John just got promoted and had a space mission go really well, and Rodney leveled up in the observatory so I thought it might be nice reward for them too (shut up, I've become emotionally attatched). I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER.

Because John. Of course, John. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU JOHN )
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Sep. 11th, 2014 07:09 pm)
Day 2 in the life of Sims 4 Sim!John and Sim!Rodney...mostly for my own benefit because I want to be able to come back and remember this, because what the hell is this game, OMFG. I'll put it under the cut, because warning THIS GETS LONG.

In which things go horribly wrong including angry woo hoo, bad woo hoo, a pocket full of cereal, anti-social John, Rodney gets in a bar fight, and not only can I not take these two chuckleheads ANYWHERE they are determined to jointly make my life as a sim!god as difficult as possible )
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Sep. 10th, 2014 10:57 am)
Random post is random. Anyhoo, ever since my son came home on vacation with the news that EA had released the entirety of Sims 2 for free (the offer is now over), I have fallen into a Sims hole that doesn't appear to have any end in sight. I rapidly acquired 3 and started playing that too, and then caved within a day of 4 being released so all three versions are on my computer now and I'm playing all of them. Since I have nothing else going on in my life and it's been forever since I made a post, let us talk about Sims 4.

Basically if you have read the arguments and the howling, all I gotta say is. Fuck the haters, this has the potential to be the best Sims game of all time, and is already a stupid amount of fun, and let me tell you why. The new multi-tasking plus emotions features are, in a nutshell, completely fucking AWESOME particularly when it comes to autonomous decisions by the sims. I wasn't even going to play any of my fannish households until more expansion material came out, but I became so enamoured with how utterly charming the Sims are in 4 with my randomized family (SO CHARMING), that I went ahead and made a John Sheppard and Rodney McKay to stick in a house.

In which I babble about Sim!John's tragic life and a day in the new Sims 4 life with him and Sim!Rodney. Also, a pink unicorn and a robot )
Keep The Car Running
Song by: Arcade Fire
Fandom: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Summary: They're coming

Download (right-click, save as)
fan_eunice: (Default)
( May. 30th, 2014 11:52 am)
Been absent for reasons, but why not make a random and utterly shallow post about Arrow out of nowhere? I can't think of a reason not to.

I started marathoning it last week as a method of avoiding vidding and am now in the back half of season 2 (I expect I will finish catching up by tomorrow or the next day). This show is ridiculously fun you guys. If you're not watching it already, give it a go. There are many, many reasons why I have ended up clapping my hands like a baby seal while watching. Many. Most of them related to the kind of absurd OTT superheroes/villians and the world they live in tropes that just please me in my soul and continually make me regret that (despite multiple efforts) the format of print comics does not, in general, work for me. Also, everyone ever shows up on it eventually. No, really everyone. You start thinking they have to run out of 'OMG that actor just showed up TOO?' moments eventually. Except they don't, they just keep on coming.

But I'm even shallower than that in terms of what can get me to make an actual post on the internet these days. Yeah, shipping. Obviously, anyone who has met me for more than five seconds would have known I'd jump on Felicity/Oliver practically from the second they met (I did). Brains/Brawn is towards the very top of my 'autoship' list. Make it awkward sciency brains plus emotionally broken brawn fighting crime and it may as well have been giftwrapped with a bow and a card saying 'For Eunice Specifically' on it. I ship it so hard you don't even know.

And then. AND THEN. So I've been flirting with various OT3 and multishipping options all along 'cause that's how I roll, and will likely do so for as long as I'm watching (particularly when they give me so many reasons to). BUT OH MY GOD, and now I cut because the very existence of this character is a spoiler:

An OT3 OF MY VERY DREAMS )
fan_eunice: (Default)
( May. 13th, 2014 11:37 am)
It has been awhile since I have posted because reasons, but what the hey. I shall do a meme.

Anyone who feels like it should post their ten most CRUCIAL CRUCIAL CRUCIAL-ASS movies, like the movies that explain everything about yourselves in your current incarnations (not necessarily your ten favorite movies but the ten movies that you, as a person existing currently, feel would help people get to know you) (they can change later on obviously).

The direction I went with in picking the list was essentially movies that were deeply formative for whatever reason in my youth/young adulthood, because they are the roots of the tree that is me, or whatever silly metaphor you prefer. Unsurprisingly I have actually ended up vidding several of the movies list, heh. It was still tough narrowing, though. I...actually have no idea what this list says about me overall as a person.

The Muppet Movie
Empire Strikes Back
Valley Girl
The Right Stuff
Some Kind of Wonderful
Witness
Nightmare on Elm Street
Thelma and Louise
While You Were Sleeping
Terminator 2
fan_eunice: (Default)
( Feb. 9th, 2014 07:41 am)
Ack!! For reasons which boil down to 'brain' I thought today was Saturday and that I had a whole 24 hours before reveals to finish commenting and get my signed versions up. Did you know it's not Saturday and reveals are today? I just put the unsigned streaming in my posts for now, but will have signed up for downloading as well as streaming later this afternoon. Ooops?

This year I made:

This Could All Be Yours (Big) for [personal profile] rhoboat

and

Teardrop (Hard Candy) for [personal profile] goodbyebird
.

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