Sticky all purpose feedback post, now with correct information!

Website: http://fan-eunice.com
Warnings Policy

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (Once a Thief, lj only)
Legends Never Die (Nightmare On Elm Street, not up on website yet, only on lj/dw)
The Eleventy Project, an attempt to vid every episode of S5 as it airs. (Doctor Who)
Mother Mary (China Beach)
Now and Then (China Beach)
Simon Says (Doomsday)
Dreams (Marley & Me)
TKO (itty bitty titty committee)
Then The Morning Comes (Galaxy Quest)
Never Loved A Man (Doctor Who)
Ever Fallen In Love (Hard Core Logo)
Papa Don't Preach w/greensilver (Torchwood/Doctor Who)
And She Was (Doctor Who)
Don't Touch That Dial (Doctor Who)
Moons of Jupiter (Doctor Who)
Forever Young (Highlander)
Whatever It Takes (Bend it Like Beckham)
Lullaby (Dead Poets Society)
Running Down A Dream (SGA)
Swing Down Chariot (Dogma)

*yawns and slurps down coffee*

Morning, y'all! More festivid watching today (curtailed yesterday on account of living in the mountains means some days my internet bounces like a motherfucker, making it difficult to watch anything that streams)

Also, I take back every confused and suspicious thing I ever said about Tumblr. It's made of kittens. Literally.

And between festivids and Tumblr, I'm starting to put a finger on what my damage is regarding fandom lately. What I have missed, really missed was interacting with the sources that brought me to fandom in the first place. I have a hard time with one on one interaction with people. I have an even harder time with complex social groups. Fandom became a way in precisely because it allowed me to approach those things sideways, through this other thing we were doing. Like, you know how toddlers make friends by playing with toys side by side? I never outgrew that phase. I love that it's allowed me to make the kinds of human connections and close friends I wouldn't have otherwise. I don't want to give those up, and it would be really nice to have more! Doesn't change who I am or my brain, though...and fandom as a primarily social space, and all that comes with that, really kinda doesn't work for me.

tl;dr...I need to vid/watch vids more, look at pretty pictures more, read more fic and just...lose myself in it. 'Cause it's fun.

So, I woke up at an insanely early hour and couldn't get back to sleep. 50/50 was onDemand and, despite all the reasons I was never, ever going to watch it curiosity got the better of me. Those of you shaking your heads right now all, "Eunice you know better"...yes, yes I do and I blame no one but myself. Anyway, I was surprised at how much I liked a lot of it, and how much it actually did get right. Too right in some places, the pre-surgery scene in particular captured the weight of that moment of panic, when all denial is stripped away as the anesthesia goes in, to the point where I kind of had a full body flashback and had to pause so I could shake and cry in the corner of the couch for an hour before I could hit play again. I don't need hugs for that, I knew that might happen going in and I did it anyway, and though I usually try to avoid it...in a weird way I appreciate scenes like that, because if you throw me into that state it means you're actually doing something right.

Which is part of why, dear f'list, I fucking hate the ending to this movie. Loathe. Want to punch a small puppy in the face hate. Because once again the cancer narrative dreamily flashes forward to when everything is "all better". You were sick, but now you're not and everything is okay now! Nightmares? Chronic pain and health issues? The long road back to feeling anywhere halfway decent? Pfft..there's PIZZA and a NEW GIRLFRIEND! Everything is okay now because when you get cancer you either die or you finish treatment and It's All Over Now, what is wrong with you that this is still an issue? It's not like it changes you forever or anything. Unless it's in an inspirational way where you stop and smell the daisies and Learn a Lesson about appreciating life. Whatever.

As I'm working my way through festivids, I figure I'll put up the 'guess the vids I made and win a PRIZE' post. Since one of the vids I made is so obviously me, it could not be more me if I tattooed 'made by Eunice' on [redacted]'s forehead, I'm gonna say you have to guess two of the vids I made (and yes you can include the really obvious one in those two guesses).

There are five (there's your hint), so this is not unfair. Anyway, yes. Guess two of the vids I made and get a vid of your very own to any movie which is easily available whether I've seen it or not. :D

FESTIVIDS IS LIVE, OMG Look at all the vids, this is amazing.

And, okay, y'all I woke up this morning to find that I had recieved EIGHT vids. That was not a typo. Eight. I swear to god it took me an hour of being completely overwhelmed (in the really GOOD way) before I could even watch them. Just. You guys. *bursts into tears again*. I can't even express what this meant to me. And I love every single vid. What I got for festiviiiiiiiids:

Two, count 'em TWO Independence Day vids. And what's awesome about them is that they are both such different takes on the movie and BOTH were just like...*flail*

For your epic motherfucking explosions and alien face punching needs: Doomsday

And for a lovely and more contemplative look at the lives behind the booms: 4th of July *sniffle*

Also two, again, count 'em TWO Once A Thief vids, because I am LOVED and *flail and point*:

My adorkably dysfunctional OT3 in all their adorkably dysfunctional glory: The Frug

In which The Director rightfully claims Mac as her personal playtoy: Mean Woman Blues

Raising Hope represents with Burt/Virginia 4EVAH, Halloween Hugs, Llama Spitting, and not enough <3 <3 <3s in the WORLD: In Spite of Ourselves

Top Chef! No really. In which Stephen and Harold love each other VERY VERY MUCH, and now I have visual proof for anyone who ever doubted: Something to Go On

Sandra Bullock's faaaaaace could not be more adorable or sweet and neither could this vid, OMG. This? This right here is why it remains my favorite romantic comedy ever, now in vid form: Passionate Kisses

And finally, after three years of asking? I GOT MY BUBBLES VID. Oh god, BUBBLES. This is the point where I fall apart incoherently and try and fail to give you words. Because, Bubbles. Bubbles: As I Call You Down

Yeah, I totally win festivids. Forever.

So is it time for Festivids yet? No? Now? How about now? Now?

I have been dealing with waiting for golive by making [an unspecified number of] treats, but I am just not a fast enough vidder to pull another one off in two days.

Oh! I can talk about a revelation I had regarding my vidding during all this. It's why I tend to vid slow. I am, dear friends, an indecisive vidder. For any given vid there are usually multiple directions one can take and since vids are limited by time constraints that means DECISIONS. And decisions means letting go of this, that, or the other thing because it is just not physically possible to fit ALL the clips in one vid. I've tried, it usually doesn't go well unless 'completely muddied, overcrowded, impossible to watch, what the hell was the point here, confused mess' is your preferred style of vid.

This is when we hit the opposite problem. Having decided on a direction means now the amount of source available to make a given point goes from too much to, 'oh god, do I have *enough*' And then at some point the timeline is almost filled and the problem of not having enough space returns when suddenly one is staring at very little wiggle room, but still more to say. DECISIONS.

I hate making decisions. I have an existential crisis over choosing between a strawberry or blueberry pop tart for fuck's sake. Which is how I will manage to worry over staring at the same blank five seconds of timeline for days because what if I make the wrong choice. This is ridiculous because if it's wrong, it's easy enough to change and often times identifying why it's wrong helps decide what would be right.

This will, of course, not stop me from metaphorically standing frozen next to my toaster with two boxes of delicious fruity pastry and then walking away with just a cup of coffee instead...because the world will possibly end if I take a bite of strawberry pop tart and it turns out what I really wanted was blueberry. MY LIFE IS HARD.

*waves*

I have been sort of absorbed in a combo of Festividding and hordes of family visits, and being awful about updating and keeping up with my dw/lj. But I love you guys! I do! I swear I will be around more soon.

Right now I can't even talk about stuff which is ringing my bell on account of it's secret. I could tell you that working on a treat for [redacted] has resulted in several crushes on various members of the cast of [redacted]. I mean, I was already hot for [redacted] and falling in love with [redacted] too makes perfect sense if you've met me...but the out of the blue thing I seem to be developing for [redacted] is just disturbing.

...and this is why I can't actually update my journal.

What are you guys up to?

I'm showing mresundance Once Upon a Time ...and it occurred to me that I forgot to post my episode reaction to the latest episode aired, so I shall do that now, because I have something to say.

( Once Upon a Time 1x07, The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter )

So now I'm kind of spamming. Just, I am on forced break from vidding on account of window glare...and it's probably a good thing because I was getting super frustrated anyway.

But can we talk for a second about Damian Lewis, friends (waves to AJ)? See, the thing is I have been a fan of Claire Danes for years and years, ever since My So Called Life. I went into Homeland anticipating and expecting that I would dig her performance. Which, she hasn't just met but exceeded my expectations with Carrie and OMG, AMAZING. And, like, you always know you're going to get a solid performance out of Mandy Patinkin, the only real question being how long before he throws a tantrum and abandons your show. And the rest of the cast is turning in solid shit all over.

But see, I was not familiar with Damian Lewis, and I gotta tell you guys...he is blowing my mind. Like, how do you take what is already a deeply complex and layered character just on paper alone and kick it up to HOLY SHITBALLS level? Cast this guy, apparently. Because he will take your complex layers and add a level of emotional nuance that takes my goddamn breath away. Well done, casting department. WELL DONE.

So, hey...lets talk about cancer quackery. It's been on my mind on account of the Dr. Burzynski dust up coincided with my recent 6 month oncology appointment. Specifically, I want to talk about the issue with 'testimonial' evidence regarding alternative treatment, and why it is a sucky way to make treatment decisions that can kill you.

Here's the deal with chemotherapy and solid tumors that have not yet metastasized. Surgery is the primary treatment. Chemo may be used to shrink a tumor so that it is more easily surgically removed, but most chemo in these cases is given in an adjuvant setting. Meaning, it's purpose is to help reduce the chance of recurrence after all visible cancer has been removed.

So lets say you have 100 women with my type of tumor, lymph node involvement, and staging. If you treated all of us with surgery alone, 40 of us would go on to have completely cancer free lives with no recurrence. One of those 40 could stand on her head every day and sing Jingle Bells, and then claim that doing so prevented her cancer from coming back...but that would be pretty ridiculous. Surgery cured her, it was never going to come back. In a large number of testimonials for cancer 'cures' this is exactly what's happening (you will not find someone who has been 'cured' that didn't have the primary tumor removed surgically).

Now what happens when we add adjuvant chemotherapy and radiation? 65 of us go on to cancer free lives with no recurrence. The choice of whether or not to stand on your head and sing Jingle Bells or to have chemo/radiation makes very little difference to the 40 who wouldn't have recurred, and the 35 who will regardless. But if you are one of the 15 in the middle? Choosing the Jingle Bell method will kill you.

Unfortunately, medical science has not yet caught up enough to identify which 15 of that 100 women fall in that category (though they are working on it). And, look, there are rational reasons to choose not to do chemo or radiation. Neither is a picnic, and as is demonstrable by yours truly, they can have long term health effects. A person may very well look at the difference in risk reduction and choose to roll the dice on being in the 40 because the possible complications outweigh the possible benefit in their estimation. Promising a cure through Jingle Bells or marketing it as a method of ensuring someone's place in the 40 on the basis of anecdotal/testimonial evidence, though? KILLS PEOPLE. (Yes, I'm looking at you Suzanne fucking Somers).

And this is why we have objective methods to determine what actually affects outcome, and what's just singing Jingle Bells. Yay, science!