So anyway. Those of you who are friends with both of us already know that I am in Chicago staying at Zen and Pete's for I'm not sure how long. Obviously until they no longer need or want me here. Those of you who don't know, Zen is in the hospital right now facing a likely diagnosis of small cell lung cancer. She will get to come home soon (knock wood), and the business of tackling this bullshit will begin.

On the upside, Zen is still Zen and while everything about this sucks, there has been no shortage of laughter and fun and cookies and watching our reality shows and movies with appropriate commentary and doing what we do (good thing our mutual hobbies don't revolve around running marathons).

I keep trying to figure out what to say about all this, but it's mostly incoherent profanities. I guess I could tell you I quit smoking? I always wondered what it would take for that to happen since my own cancer didn't even manage it. But I cold turkey quit the second I heard about zen's chest x-ray and made a deal with the universe never to pick it back up again if it turned out to be nothing. I have incredibly angry words for the universe for backing out on that deal (I'm a superstitious atheist, okay). But even though the universe is a lying asshole, the quit remains and likely will forever because any time I even see a cigarette my reaction is intense loathing at the thing that is trying to kill my best friend even though she kicked it to the curb over three years ago, and even more rage at the people who make them. I want nothing to do with that bullshit. I wish I could feel more triumphant about finally quitting, but mostly I'm just sad.



So yeah. Fuck cancer with a rusty nail.
laurashapiro: a woman sits at a kitchen table reading a book, cup of tea in hand. Table has a sliced apple and teapot. A cat looks on. (Default)

From: [personal profile] laurashapiro


I'm so sorry, honey. Fuck cancer.
grammarwoman: (Default)

From: [personal profile] grammarwoman


Kudos to you for quitting cigarettes, and a big boo to the universe for not appreciating it. Fuck cancer, indeed. *HUGS*
dorinda: In "Brideshead Revisited" (1981), Sebastian and Charles, arms around each other, look out to sea. (Brideshead_sea)

From: [personal profile] dorinda


I'm so glad you're there with her. But I'm so angry and sorry for the reason why, and for the expertise on the topic that you yourself were forced to acquire. FUCK THAT SHIT.

Hugs to you, for immediate use or for storage for later, whichever you prefer.
darthfangirl: the thirteenth doctor (doctor who - river - sad)

From: [personal profile] darthfangirl


Ugh, I'm so sorry. That's really shitty.
king_touchy: lyrical pencil drawing of a king (king touchy)

From: [personal profile] king_touchy


I'm a superstitious atheist, too, and I'm sending my hopes and thoughts to you both. Fuck cancer.
klia: (!)

From: [personal profile] klia


I'm so glad you're able to be there for her and Pete. Like you, I can barely express my feelings with anything other than incoherent profanities.

*giant hugs to all of you*
gwyn: (keith mars infinitemonkeys)

From: [personal profile] gwyn


Oh my god. I did not know about any of this, so thank you for updating us. I am so glad that you can be there for her and for Pete. But I also know how hard that is, and it's got to be even worse when you've been up that mountain and down the other side.

God I wish I could hug you both so hard.
littleheaven: (Scrubs Smashing Guitar by phaust_icons)

From: [personal profile] littleheaven


What can I say, but have this big pile of rusty nails. I'll give you a hand. ***HUG***
heresluck: (candle)

From: [personal profile] heresluck


You know I love you both and am thinking of you often. I'm so glad you're there with her.
nestra: (Default)

From: [personal profile] nestra


Fuck it, and I'm fiercely hoping she kicks it in the ass like you did.
the_shoshanna: my boy kitty (Default)

From: [personal profile] the_shoshanna


Incoherent profanities pretty much covers it. I'm glad you guys are able to be there for each other. Hugs.
shrift: Alias characters hugging (manly hugging)

From: [personal profile] shrift


Fuck cancer.

I quit smoking not too long after Zen quit, because in my mind, if Zen could do it, I had no excuse since I'd been thinking that I should stop for years. And now I'm angry at the universe too. Fuck you, universe! A debt is owed.
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