So anyway. Those of you who are friends with both of us already know that I am in Chicago staying at Zen and Pete's for I'm not sure how long. Obviously until they no longer need or want me here. Those of you who don't know, Zen is in the hospital right now facing a likely diagnosis of small cell lung cancer. She will get to come home soon (knock wood), and the business of tackling this bullshit will begin.

On the upside, Zen is still Zen and while everything about this sucks, there has been no shortage of laughter and fun and cookies and watching our reality shows and movies with appropriate commentary and doing what we do (good thing our mutual hobbies don't revolve around running marathons).

I keep trying to figure out what to say about all this, but it's mostly incoherent profanities. I guess I could tell you I quit smoking? I always wondered what it would take for that to happen since my own cancer didn't even manage it. But I cold turkey quit the second I heard about zen's chest x-ray and made a deal with the universe never to pick it back up again if it turned out to be nothing. I have incredibly angry words for the universe for backing out on that deal (I'm a superstitious atheist, okay). But even though the universe is a lying asshole, the quit remains and likely will forever because any time I even see a cigarette my reaction is intense loathing at the thing that is trying to kill my best friend even though she kicked it to the curb over three years ago, and even more rage at the people who make them. I want nothing to do with that bullshit. I wish I could feel more triumphant about finally quitting, but mostly I'm just sad.



So yeah. Fuck cancer with a rusty nail.
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