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::stares at timeline::
You'd think an episode that I loved this much would be easier to vid. You'd be wrong. I keep thinking there's no way I can do it any kind of justice, and I'm just going to get it wrong, and I have no idea what I'm even doing here. Every time I say I don't think I will finish, I still manage. So it is getting pretty ridiculous to have my weekly fit of NOT THIS TIME, NO REALLY, THIS IS THE WEEK I AM DEFEATED...oh, never mind. But what if this really is the week?
I've gotten sort of overly attached to the idea of finishing this project. And for all my meltdowns I do love doing it. It means I get to spend more time and fannish attention on this thing that I love SO MUCH. It forces me to be actively vidding instead of angsting over how I'm not vidding. The quick turnaround leaves me less time for all the internal bullshit that usually stalls my vids to get in the way. And it's reminding me why I vid in the first place. I think I will be very proud of myself when it's done, regardless of how I feel about any individual vid.
But, yeah, I'm really not fond of this part of it, where all the insecurity creeps in, and nothing on the timeline has gelled yet, and I am certain I'm going to be a failure at this like I am at every other thing. If I could skip this part it would be awesome. At least my sadness when this season is over (I DON'T WANT IT TO END) will be tempered by relief that I will get to break from the project satisfied that I did what I set out to do (if I do).
Ack, I am whiny today.
You'd think an episode that I loved this much would be easier to vid. You'd be wrong. I keep thinking there's no way I can do it any kind of justice, and I'm just going to get it wrong, and I have no idea what I'm even doing here. Every time I say I don't think I will finish, I still manage. So it is getting pretty ridiculous to have my weekly fit of NOT THIS TIME, NO REALLY, THIS IS THE WEEK I AM DEFEATED...oh, never mind. But what if this really is the week?
I've gotten sort of overly attached to the idea of finishing this project. And for all my meltdowns I do love doing it. It means I get to spend more time and fannish attention on this thing that I love SO MUCH. It forces me to be actively vidding instead of angsting over how I'm not vidding. The quick turnaround leaves me less time for all the internal bullshit that usually stalls my vids to get in the way. And it's reminding me why I vid in the first place. I think I will be very proud of myself when it's done, regardless of how I feel about any individual vid.
But, yeah, I'm really not fond of this part of it, where all the insecurity creeps in, and nothing on the timeline has gelled yet, and I am certain I'm going to be a failure at this like I am at every other thing. If I could skip this part it would be awesome. At least my sadness when this season is over (I DON'T WANT IT TO END) will be tempered by relief that I will get to break from the project satisfied that I did what I set out to do (if I do).
Ack, I am whiny today.