Eunice

It is less than an hour until new Project Runway! For someone who spends the majority of her time in pajama bottoms and t-shirts I love that show way too much. Then again, I also watch the Food Network obsessively and I can't remember the last time I turned on my stove, so there you go.

I finally went to read the Who kink meme after seeing so many people talk about it, and it was as if the universe was trying to make up for my earlier fic crankiness by giving me a bunch of really hot porn along with some surprisingly well characterized little ficlets of goodness. And also one that is fanfic as Jack would write it which is the best thing ever and made me laugh so hard it hurt. Really the only thing missing is the part where Jack throws a read and review hissy fit and holds the rest of the chapters hostage for more comments. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE WOULD.

I have decided it is time to start actively trying to get over my fear of commenting on other people's LJs instead of waiting for the rare moments when I don't freak out about it to comment. I hate that I miss out on interesting discussions and offering hugs and support when my people are having a rough time or just...letting y'all know that yes, I'm reading, yes I dig what you have to say. So if I randomly start popping up in your comments over the next few days, HI! If I don't, it is because I am a big old freak, but I totally still love you. Next up after I conquer this is to get over the not leaving feedback thing.

I might start vidding again very, very soon. I've managed to get a few real life things done around here that needed to get done which is inspiring me to get more done and if I can then I will be free to dive back in. Vividcon is coming SOON which will likely kick my vidbrain into high gear as well. OMG VVC.

You all rule. Needed to be said.

Okay, so it's that time of year again and a lot of people are feeling the pressure and the angst that comes with being a vidder who is going to Vividcon. There's been a kind of...expectation that has built up over the years, that if you're going you must submit a vid, and that vid better be awesome because it is known as such a major showcase for 'vid fandom'. I not only get that, I feel it to at least some degree every year. It's nerve wracking. Combined with the social anxiety of meeting people for the first time it can make things pretty miserable right about now with the deadline breathing down our necks.

The thing is, Vividcon itself is not like that. It's really, really, really not. My first year I made my father walk me into the hotel I was so freaked out...within minutes jackiekjono had identified me as a species of fellow fan without knowing me from Adam, struck up a conversation with my father about his VMI shirt and shared her blueberries with me. Less than an hour later sockkpuppett found me on an elevator and hugged the stuffing out of me. Vividcon is, above else, about people. Fans. Being hopelessly silly and having questionable conversations that scare bystanders in Outback. It is outrageous outfits and glowsticks and making the floor shake at Club Vivid. It is room parties where a combination of squished seating and judiciously applied alchohol lead to all the lesbians on the bed loving heresluck (sadly, that isn't as dirty as it sounds). It is hanging out on the benches outside the vid and panel rooms getting to know that lj name that you vaguely recognize but never had a chance to talk to before.

Are there some extremely talented people who come to Vividcon? Absofreakinglutely. Do they show amazing vids? Damn straight. But the real reason to go isn't that. It's for the shared love of vids and vidding...all of them. Even the ones that aren't to your specific taste or style or even if you hate your own, because dude, we commited vids! Isn't that awesome? Trust me, the glow of that feeling will have you walking ten feet off the ground the whole weekend. Forget everything else...it is being able to talk to a group full of people who don't look at you funny when you talk about that one time you spent hours and hours adjusting four frames. Because they get it. It is about seeing things through the eyes of non-vidders who love vids as much as vidders who make them, and there are tons of them there (most, actually, I think?). Watching vids, making vids, it is the process that is king at VVC and the love of that process including all the times it makes us want to bash our heads through walls and feel awful. Because the fan sitting next to you knows. And she's got a glowstick and an inappropriate joke to make you smile about it.

Vidshows and panels, they are social gatherings more than they are anything else. And yes, I say that as someone who has a hard time not puking when I have a vid in a show. Insecurity and a drive to unatainable perfection and comparing ourselves to all the vidders we think are better than us is the nature of the beast, hence the need for an I Suck panel (pimpimpimp). But it's not Vividcon. Vividcon is love, man. Nothing but love.

Six minutes. Six minutes. Vividcon sold out in SIX MINUTES. I have never been more relieved to get an attending confirmation. I feel like I should start training my mouse finger for next year now.

I have fallen horribly behind on LJ this weekend because some of my favorite people in the entire universe are in town, which is very yayful, but keeps me away from the internet because of the real life hugging and cuddling and actual talking to people using your voice instead of your typing fingers (I know, weird). Also, I have now played Guitar Hero and am contemplating buying a Playstation just so I can get my own copy. That thing is scarily addicting. The good news is that I am buying the game for my son's birthday when I fly out to DC later this week so I will have many more opportunities to get even more hooked on it.

If anything happened over the last few days I have most likely missed it, due to watching very drunk people lose glowsticks in their cleavage (and people say it's no fun being the sober one in the room, they are wrong...I have so much potential blackmail information right now. So much.) Fill me in. What have you all been up to this weekend?

I'm about to start writing up disc two, and still feeling a bit weird about doing these so I'm talking it out. One of the things I've always loved best about VVC are the full show and disc reviews that always come out of it. A big part of Vividcon is talking openly about what did and didn't work for the viewer...both at the con during formal vid review or panels, informal discussions, and after the con in review posts. Unlike other forms of vid release where it's generally expected you won't hear from anyone who didn't like your vid unless you specifically ask, Vividcon has always been a place where if you send your vid in the assumption is that it's on the table for discussion. I think that's an incredibly useful tool for us as vidders because it allows for a broad range of opinions that form a jumping off point to work on our weaknesses and get a better idea of what's effective and what's not. And also who it's effective for (a vid that appeals to some people for whatever reason may annoy the crap out of other people), which is crucial in answering questions like who the target audience for a specific vid is...if I'm trying to reach the most number of people I might vid something differently than if I'm directing it at a very specific group of people who have the same read on a show or character that I do or preference in vid styles or music choices. This is all really good stuff. The more of it the better as far as I'm concerned.

I also remember the first year I sent a vid to Vividcon and read several such full reviews in which the reviewer did not like my vid. And, y'know, regardless of context that's never easy to hear. It's that feeling that has caused me to chicken out for...three years running now on doing any of my own show or disc reviews. 'Cause vidders? In general we are a big raging ball of insecurity on the best of days and who wants to poke at that when you know that it takes a pint of ice cream and many tears to friends before you can settle down and look at things from the bigger picture to sort out "someone didn't like my vid" from "someone didn't like ME." Or to recognize that one person not liking your vid doesn't mean it doesn't have an audience, or that they don't want to see more vids from you (just not that one, heh). Even if you do want people to do the same for your vids and think it's valuable (after the ice cream).

I'm not sure I have a point here because it's a tricky balance. I'm a huge fan of the kinds of communal critical discussions we have. I want more people to talk about honest reactions to vids post VVC, so I'm finding it more and more difficult to justify not doing that myself. Which is why I'm not letting myself weasel out this year. I'm also a huge fan of most of the individual people behind the vids, and knowing these kinds of discussions can be...bruising, makes me wince. When I'm trying to write up my own reactions, and when I'm reading other people's. So, yeah..I just kinda wanted that out there.

I have started and stalled on several con reports because the entire weekend is smushed together in my head and I'm having trouble remembering exactly when stuff happened and where. So, this is a different kind of con report. It goes like this...you were there right? So if you comment to this post and go "Remember when..." then I'll be able to go "OMG YES that was *awesome* and I loved when we talked about that thing" and I won't be terrified I left stuff or people out, not because they weren't awesome but because I am so overwhelmed with awesome.

Speaking of awesome, I brought my Ten action figure and discovered very quickly that he fit perfectly right behind my name tag in my badge so he got to attend the whole con and his con report I can do easily. Teeny Tiny Tennant was molested and posed in various positions (including Paul Gross arms) by all sorts of fangirls throughout the weekend. He also got to sit in Beyonce's lap (more than once), rode both Diefenbaker and a llama, hugged and bounced with a Teeny Martha and also got to lie with his head in her lap for a whole panel, and had his very own glowstick and glitter for Club Vivid. Teeny Tiny Tennant had the best con EVER. I believe there are pictures floating around somewhere, if anyone has some let me know.

In about an hour absolutedestiny will be HERE in my apartment. And right *now* sockkpuppett is right across town with vagabondage for easy access tomorrow and elynross will be upstairs from me by tomorrow night. It is officially The Week of Vividcon. ITS HERE!! We are less than three days away from VIDSHOWS AND PANELS AND GLOWSTICKS OH MY!!

*writes I Must Not Panic Over My Premiere Vid a thousand times on the blackboard*

I'm easy to recognize if you're coming and haven't met me in person yet. I'm the bald chick. Wait, I'm the bald chick who does not have tattoos. The bald chick with tattoos is vagabondage who is made of awesome so you should say hi to her anyway.

Why is it not next week yet? I've started to move from excited about Vividcon to impatient. There are people I haven't seen in a whole year and they will be HERE, but they are not here now. Considering I still have to clean my apartment (oh god do I ever have to clean my apartment) and buy an air mattress for pre/post con crashing this is a good thing objectively but I don't care because there's a whole week to wait. I suck at waiting.

Also, right now at this very moment there are a slew of new vids by so many amazing vidders that are finished and just waiting to be seen. I want to see them! I don't get to see them until next weekend. Knowing this turns me into a grabby handed whiny two year old.

So, talk to me about vids please. What do you love best about vids and/or vidding? If you are a vidder, what do you want to work on most this year as you make new vids? Me, I want to reach a point where I'm comfortable with my cutting, and directly related to that, get a much better understanding of musical structure so that how I cut uses the music and becomes integrated with it in ways that I don't think I'm approaching yet. Now you.

Wow. I just finished submitting a premiere vid for VVC. As in, I finished a vid. I honestly didn't think it was going to happen this year since I was pretty sure I was never going to finish any vid ever again but then...there it is. Done. And to make up for causing large sections of the back row to break down sobbing last year (I WIN!) there is nothing remotely tragic in my premieres this year. It's all happy and stuff. No tears at all. Unless they are tears of boredom. Oh god, what if there are tears of boredom? If you'll excuse me I'll be over in the corner panicking for the next month and a half. But I finished. And it isn't even midnight on deadline day. Go team me!