And...the second navel gazing post, Harrison Ford style now. I took to calling this 'the least secret treat ever' because it kind of was? Basically the second ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sweetestdrain said she was considering asking for it, I kinda capslocked all over her IF YOU ASK FOR IT, I WILL MAKE IT, ASK FOR WITNESS, ASK. So, um, I ended up being pretty lax about the whole 'secret' thing while making it, though I did manage to entirely avoid posting in public anywhere, which is kind of like keeping a secret?
In order to understand where I was coming from with this vid, you have to travel back in time with me 28 years. *makes wavy flashback hands*
There. Do you see a tiny Eunice sitting there in the theater with her popcorn waiting for the lights to go down? This is one of her first rated R movies, so she's feeling very grown up. She also believes that, *especially* in movies, love conquers all. And she is swept away by this movie, how pretty it all is. This whole murder/conspiracy plot is very tense! But she knows. She KNOWS how this ends, you guys. After all, didn't they dance together in the barn? Haven't they very clearly fallen in love? Hasn't he formed a bond with the little boy which makes him the obvious candidate for new father? And so yes, there are challenges and all, but he is clearly unhappy with how lonely and dark his life is and she is not entirely happy with the restrictions on her life. AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER, OKAY.
Also, hey...boobies. Puberty is a pretty recent thing for young Eunice and she's not quite sure why those boobies have that effect on her, but she secretly really likes it and doesn't quite understand why Harrison Ford would look away.
BECAUSE LOVE. OKAY. LOVE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER. IT HAS TO. When she knows he's leaving she *runs across a field* so they can make out. It's obvious how this ends, right? RIGHT? Wait. Why is everyone acting like this is goodbye for good? Any minute now, he's going to realize he can't live without her or vice versa and she'll leave or he'll stay. Right? Aaaaany second now.
Why is he driving away? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Okay, good...he stopped. He's staying right? What do you mean he's just waving goodbye to the nice Amish boy she will probably end up marrying? WAIT. STOP THAT DAMN CAR. TURN BACK NOW. THIS INSTANT HARRISON FORD, AND I DONT CARE HOW MUCH I WANT TO BE HAN SOLO, YOU JUST TURN THAT CAR AROUND RIGHT NOW. Credits.
Do you see the look on young Eunice's face right now? She has just been broken with the harsh truth that love is not always enough FOREVER. There are movies (and shows) that have moments of, I guess, truth? That you only discover or feel for the very first time once. Witness was one of those moments for me.
Now, as an adult (and even just a few years later)...what is obvious is that young Eunice was fucking delusional and it ended the way it always had to end, clearly telegraphed from the very start. It was never going to end any other way. It just wasn't. And every time I watch it now, with every step I know is telling me that it can't end the way tiny Eunice wants it to, I kind of crumple into a little ball of BUT WHY? I know why. Why is this vid. Grown up me trying to gently explain to baby me, with all the evidence, that love and life aren't always fair. That it really doesn't work that way. *kicks things in protest and bursts into sobs*
So, anyway, the actual vidding went pretty fast and without too much vidder drama from me (unless you count the dramatic collapsing in my chair clutching my heart). Possibly because this vid has been crying out from my traumatized little soul for 28 years? There were things I really, really wanted to work into the vid for sweetestdrain that ended up not working with the POV like Harrison Ford drinking lemonade, which is basically soft core porn with juice. And the actual driving away at the end, which for various reasons did not work as effectively as Rachel turning away in finality (which, at the time of the above flashback I didn't *see* as the finality it is, because aaaaaaany second now). But I did get in kittens and death in a grain silo as a metaphor (which I think we both wanted)!
And hey, speaking of porn lemonade, something *was* new this time for me. After a lifetime of appreciating Harrsion Ford in an entirely platonic way (and wanting to be him, see above re: Han Solo)...suddenly it wasn't only the Amish breasts giving me...pants feelings? And apparently, people weren't lying when they said he was hot even if it took me 40 years and a massive hormonal upheaval causing recent bisexuality for me to see it? Because damn, y'all. Septic shock looks really, really good on the man. He should get shot without access to proper medical care ALL THE TIME. Um. Hey, I was crying into a box of tissues and a pint of ice cream the whole time I was making this vid...I WILL TAKE MY JOY WHERE I CAN.
...and now you know waaaaay more about my adolescent psyche than you ever wanted to.
sweetestdrain said she was considering asking for it, I kinda capslocked all over her IF YOU ASK FOR IT, I WILL MAKE IT, ASK FOR WITNESS, ASK. So, um, I ended up being pretty lax about the whole 'secret' thing while making it, though I did manage to entirely avoid posting in public anywhere, which is kind of like keeping a secret? In order to understand where I was coming from with this vid, you have to travel back in time with me 28 years. *makes wavy flashback hands*
There. Do you see a tiny Eunice sitting there in the theater with her popcorn waiting for the lights to go down? This is one of her first rated R movies, so she's feeling very grown up. She also believes that, *especially* in movies, love conquers all. And she is swept away by this movie, how pretty it all is. This whole murder/conspiracy plot is very tense! But she knows. She KNOWS how this ends, you guys. After all, didn't they dance together in the barn? Haven't they very clearly fallen in love? Hasn't he formed a bond with the little boy which makes him the obvious candidate for new father? And so yes, there are challenges and all, but he is clearly unhappy with how lonely and dark his life is and she is not entirely happy with the restrictions on her life. AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER, OKAY.
Also, hey...boobies. Puberty is a pretty recent thing for young Eunice and she's not quite sure why those boobies have that effect on her, but she secretly really likes it and doesn't quite understand why Harrison Ford would look away.
BECAUSE LOVE. OKAY. LOVE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER. IT HAS TO. When she knows he's leaving she *runs across a field* so they can make out. It's obvious how this ends, right? RIGHT? Wait. Why is everyone acting like this is goodbye for good? Any minute now, he's going to realize he can't live without her or vice versa and she'll leave or he'll stay. Right? Aaaaany second now.
Why is he driving away? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Okay, good...he stopped. He's staying right? What do you mean he's just waving goodbye to the nice Amish boy she will probably end up marrying? WAIT. STOP THAT DAMN CAR. TURN BACK NOW. THIS INSTANT HARRISON FORD, AND I DONT CARE HOW MUCH I WANT TO BE HAN SOLO, YOU JUST TURN THAT CAR AROUND RIGHT NOW. Credits.
Do you see the look on young Eunice's face right now? She has just been broken with the harsh truth that love is not always enough FOREVER. There are movies (and shows) that have moments of, I guess, truth? That you only discover or feel for the very first time once. Witness was one of those moments for me.
Now, as an adult (and even just a few years later)...what is obvious is that young Eunice was fucking delusional and it ended the way it always had to end, clearly telegraphed from the very start. It was never going to end any other way. It just wasn't. And every time I watch it now, with every step I know is telling me that it can't end the way tiny Eunice wants it to, I kind of crumple into a little ball of BUT WHY? I know why. Why is this vid. Grown up me trying to gently explain to baby me, with all the evidence, that love and life aren't always fair. That it really doesn't work that way. *kicks things in protest and bursts into sobs*
So, anyway, the actual vidding went pretty fast and without too much vidder drama from me (unless you count the dramatic collapsing in my chair clutching my heart). Possibly because this vid has been crying out from my traumatized little soul for 28 years? There were things I really, really wanted to work into the vid for sweetestdrain that ended up not working with the POV like Harrison Ford drinking lemonade, which is basically soft core porn with juice. And the actual driving away at the end, which for various reasons did not work as effectively as Rachel turning away in finality (which, at the time of the above flashback I didn't *see* as the finality it is, because aaaaaaany second now). But I did get in kittens and death in a grain silo as a metaphor (which I think we both wanted)!
And hey, speaking of porn lemonade, something *was* new this time for me. After a lifetime of appreciating Harrsion Ford in an entirely platonic way (and wanting to be him, see above re: Han Solo)...suddenly it wasn't only the Amish breasts giving me...pants feelings? And apparently, people weren't lying when they said he was hot even if it took me 40 years and a massive hormonal upheaval causing recent bisexuality for me to see it? Because damn, y'all. Septic shock looks really, really good on the man. He should get shot without access to proper medical care ALL THE TIME. Um. Hey, I was crying into a box of tissues and a pint of ice cream the whole time I was making this vid...I WILL TAKE MY JOY WHERE I CAN.
...and now you know waaaaay more about my adolescent psyche than you ever wanted to.
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