(no subject)

Am home again after spending the week following chemo tucked in on vagabondage's couch watching large amounts of Friday Night Lights and Law and Order: Criminal Intent while being fed root beer floats. Which, I don't even have words for how much of a difference that made this time. I am in a better place emotionally than I have been in awhile and that's because Zen and Pete rock so unbelievably hard.

It's weird...I have always been a person with a high tolerance level, hell often preference for being alone. Which is a good thing, given how many of my psychiatric issues end up being a massive stumbling block to social interaction, especially offline. That's not so much true these days, which is unfortunate given the aforementioned stumbling blocks not only still exist, but the physical side effects of the chemo create even more. Throw in that one of those side effects (the one that I was so worried about) is sore/watering eyes and blurry vision, has severely curtailed my ability to hang out online as well and there's been this echo effect of feeling incredibly isolated and lonely and, hell, afraid all the time..and yeah, the suck has been massive. And not one I have many tools to deal with since I am used to 'alone' being safe.

But I do have a Zen, who is already my wingman on doctor's appointments and chemo days, and Pete who welcomed me into their home for, hell, a whole week so that it didn't suck quite so hard. My heroes, man. Also, totally reinforcing my real world OTP of Zen/Pete, because OMG if you do not break into goofy grins over those two, it's because you haven't been in the same room with them being so utterly adorable together that the urge to draw pink sparkly hearts in the air around them becomes overwhelming. SO. CUTE.

So, yeah, chemo. Good news is that I am now done OMG done, done, DONE with the adriamycin/cytoxan part of this nightmare, which also means being done with the AWFUL SHOT OF FUCKING DOOM that is Neulasta (many people do not experience intensely painful side effects with this thing, I am not those people). Starting next week we move on to 12 weekly doses of Taxol, and there are grand hopes that the overall side effects will be less horrendous, since it is not only a different drug, but the weekly schedule means the doses are smaller. Fingers crossed, knock wood.

And in other good news, the frightening as hell eye problems are not currently causing my oncologist major concerns...the thinking as of now is that it is being caused by drug reaction/allergy issues combined with the whole losing of eyelashes thing. Considering brain metastasis is my biggest and baddest fear this is reassuring, though not entirely so, because hello, blurry vision, but it's nice to have at least one alternate explanation that doesn't lead to a horrible death and a professional opinion that this is the most likely one. Either way I'm going to continue to be frustrated by it, because it makes it so difficult to read and interact online, and severely curtails my vidding even further.

I did manage to get most of the work done on what I hope will be my Premieres vid for VVC done before it got this bad, so I think I will have it finished enough to get uploaded by the deadline, though not as pulled together as I would have liked. But I also have Ed's manpain which I haven't touched in forever, a few other projects in the infant stages, not to mention the auction vid (jhava I have not forgotten you! I'll be emailing you later this week), and I am annoyed that my already slow as hell vidding process is now even slower. I have no idea how long this will take to clear up, assuming it's not cancer in my brain, but it can't be soon enough.

And that's me for now.