![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Fuuuuuuck. When I get like this is when I tend to go back to the breast cancer boards and forums, which is a bad habit I should stop. This time the very first thing I see is that the PARP inhibitor phase III trials did not pan out. This was the first real promise of a targeted drug for triple neg in years, that it isn't living up to its promise is a huge setback. Second thing I see are several names I recognize from the time of my initial diagnosis who had similar stats to mine. On the stage IV boards now.
I'm jealous, super jealous of people who finish active treatment and are able to live as though it was over, pack it in a box not to be touched unless it becomes necessary. I do have stretches of time where it fades to the background, those are the best. Inevitably, and especially now, February and March, there is the constant running tally of triple negative stats that just will not stop playing out in my brain. That and my least favorite sentence in the world 'the primary predictor of future metastasis is lymph node involvement'
Thank god for anti anxiety medicine. And it's weird because my overall health is improving. Finally getting some pain relief for the neuro stuff means I can move more which reverses the can't move--->more pain--->can't move more--->more pain cycle in the opposite direction. I feel better than I have in two years. Y'know, minus the overwhelming panic attacks.
I'm jealous, super jealous of people who finish active treatment and are able to live as though it was over, pack it in a box not to be touched unless it becomes necessary. I do have stretches of time where it fades to the background, those are the best. Inevitably, and especially now, February and March, there is the constant running tally of triple negative stats that just will not stop playing out in my brain. That and my least favorite sentence in the world 'the primary predictor of future metastasis is lymph node involvement'
Thank god for anti anxiety medicine. And it's weird because my overall health is improving. Finally getting some pain relief for the neuro stuff means I can move more which reverses the can't move--->more pain--->can't move more--->more pain cycle in the opposite direction. I feel better than I have in two years. Y'know, minus the overwhelming panic attacks.
From:
no subject