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Morning, and happy Eleventy day! As it appears no rapture will be occuring we can be confident that adventures with a madman in a box will continue.
While I wait, I'm gonna get morbid on y'all for a bit here, because I want to talk about this article in the NY Times about palliative sedation (more bluntly called terminal sedation).
Do not follow behind the cut if you are not up for talk of death and dying.
Year three, the scary year in triple negative, is turning out interesting in the thoughts it is bringing up. A brand new kind of hip pain (making a doctor's appt this week) in conjunction with a study I just saw that says non-braca+ trip neg patients actually have a less than 50 percent survival rate, even lower than the 60-70 that had me freaked out before (and I thought a negative brca was a good thing, dammit) has me thinking about, well, death. No, I haven't given up hope, I know I've still got a shot for the magical 5 years and a cure here and I'm not conceding unless I have to. But I think about it.
And the thing is, I'm not particularly scared of death. I am, however, scared of the dying part. And, so I'm reading that article thinking goddamn that sounds AWESOME and being utterly baffled that this is controversial at all. The idea that if I'm in a lot of pain and distress, that treatment has been exhausted (or I've decided I'm done with it) and there's really no where left to go but the final steps, that I can drift nicely off to sleep and skip the whole 'dying' bit in favor of a nice relaxing coma? Not scary. If I knew I had this option it would take about 90 percent of the terror out of the possibility this shit will go south.
This seems like such a no-brainer to me, even more so than direct euthanasia (which is an option I'd also like to have, but wonder if I'd take). What is even the point of unnecessary suffering for no gain? Like, sure, patient X was terrified and hurting, but he lived a week longer? That the people around him don't have to face feelings of guilt or moral qualms? Fuck the people around him. It ain't about them. And that's what bugs me most about it. Almost all the concerns and questions revolve around the people who aren't dying, and not what would cause the least stress for the one who is. Get over yourselves, ya know?
On the upside, I'm glad I read that article because now I know that if it does come down to it (and knock wood that it doesn't), the first question I'm asking any hospice is 'do you do palliative sedation?' and if the answer is no, I ain't going there.
While I wait, I'm gonna get morbid on y'all for a bit here, because I want to talk about this article in the NY Times about palliative sedation (more bluntly called terminal sedation).
Do not follow behind the cut if you are not up for talk of death and dying.
Year three, the scary year in triple negative, is turning out interesting in the thoughts it is bringing up. A brand new kind of hip pain (making a doctor's appt this week) in conjunction with a study I just saw that says non-braca+ trip neg patients actually have a less than 50 percent survival rate, even lower than the 60-70 that had me freaked out before (and I thought a negative brca was a good thing, dammit) has me thinking about, well, death. No, I haven't given up hope, I know I've still got a shot for the magical 5 years and a cure here and I'm not conceding unless I have to. But I think about it.
And the thing is, I'm not particularly scared of death. I am, however, scared of the dying part. And, so I'm reading that article thinking goddamn that sounds AWESOME and being utterly baffled that this is controversial at all. The idea that if I'm in a lot of pain and distress, that treatment has been exhausted (or I've decided I'm done with it) and there's really no where left to go but the final steps, that I can drift nicely off to sleep and skip the whole 'dying' bit in favor of a nice relaxing coma? Not scary. If I knew I had this option it would take about 90 percent of the terror out of the possibility this shit will go south.
This seems like such a no-brainer to me, even more so than direct euthanasia (which is an option I'd also like to have, but wonder if I'd take). What is even the point of unnecessary suffering for no gain? Like, sure, patient X was terrified and hurting, but he lived a week longer? That the people around him don't have to face feelings of guilt or moral qualms? Fuck the people around him. It ain't about them. And that's what bugs me most about it. Almost all the concerns and questions revolve around the people who aren't dying, and not what would cause the least stress for the one who is. Get over yourselves, ya know?
On the upside, I'm glad I read that article because now I know that if it does come down to it (and knock wood that it doesn't), the first question I'm asking any hospice is 'do you do palliative sedation?' and if the answer is no, I ain't going there.