Life is weird

I picked the wrong week to stop posting about personal stuff. But, much like getting a job this could be absolutely huge. I have been freaked out for a week by a lump that developed in my neck...because "lump in my neck" is just never a phrase one wants to be applying to oneself. When it didn't go away I hit Urgent Care this morning. And discovered that I have hypothyroidism. Let me clarify...have probably had it for *years*. This discovery? Is actually not a bad thing. Because in addition to the discussion I had with the doctor, I've also been doing research on it all day. And a whole host of things that I had dismissed as being part of my mental illness, or my meds, or just getting old, or weird quirks of my body that I kind of just had to deal with....are all on the symptoms list. And while the depression and anxiety were almost certainly not caused by this (my history of psychiatric disorder goes back to early childhood), it almost certainly didn't help. And the lingering physical symptoms that have hung around even after finding effective treatment may not be medication side effects or part of the mental illness that I'd resigned myself to. In fact, I may be able to...and I can't even believe I'm typing this....reduce my psych meds, depending on how I respond to the thyroid medication. I may, actually have a chance of being well. As in not sick. For the first time in I can't even remember how long. There is a chance that I could move from "managing with limitations" to being...normal. Okay, normal if I take all my pills every day. But close enough. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. But I'm also kind of dizzy with the possiblity at this moment. The list. That list of symptoms. Holy freaking crap. That stuff might GO AWAY now.