Tired. So Tired.

This has just not been a good month for my inner angry feminist. At all. It's not any one thing, it is really not. It has been a series of things, any one of which alone would not be enough to tip me over into this exhausted and hurt place I find myself in tonight. But it's like, everywhere I turn the hits just keep on coming, large and small...flipping around cable randomly, summer movie going, web surfing, shows that I love, things that I just half-watch when I'm bored...everywhere. Eventually the straw breaks your back. And I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate feeling bitter and joyless and cynical. I just want my stories. I love my stories. Sometimes I wish I didn't. Then maybe I wouldn't feel so much like getting kicked in the head was the price of admission sometimes. But it is. And I am tired. Every now and then all the defensive mechanisms I use so that it doesn't kill the joy, these things I am drawn to, the parts of my stories I love, it all just falls away and all I can see is this pattern, this exclusion, this pervasive thing so deeply rooted that there is no getting away from it. Not ever. And I just want to scream that it is not fair. And then one more thing that I may have handwaved or shrugged off yesterday, or that may not even be that big of a deal...it is just too much.

This would be me, screaming into the void. Back to finding the joy later. I'm fresh out.

(no subject)

You know what makes everything better? Roller coasters. There was Six Flags today after brunch today and it was awesome. And making it even more awesome was this thing called a Flash Pass which I am going to praise to the skies. See, you pay extra for one of these sort of pager looking thingies for your group. When you want to go on one of the rides covered (the big ones with the long lines) it lets you push a button to reserve a time. Then, instead of spending the next two hours packed in line and having panic attacks while drunk teenagers elbow you, you and your friends go and sit in the shade or shop or ride one of the smaller rides for 15 to 20 minutes or so. The pager thingie then buzzes at you when it is time and you smugly walk to your own special Flash entrance and pretty much just walk right up on the ride while everyone stuck in the long melty sweaty line glares at you and grinds their teeth. This is the BEST THING EVER. I imagine it wouldn't be worth the cost on a day when the park isn't very crowded, but on a hot Sunday in the middle of summer? Worth every last penny.

Flying through the air on Superman has put me in a much, much better mood today. Never underestimate the power of getting tossed upside down and having funnel cakes with friends to cure even the darkest mood.