post con stuffs

sisabet and Cappy just left, so Vividcon is now offically over for me, WOE. Combined with chemo ick, I am an unhappy bunny this evening. Hugs would not go unappreciated. I will head over to vagabondage house tomorrow for shared post con collapse and the openings of the Top Chef and Project Runway seasons (YAY!), so I expect my mood to pick up. I'm also feeling a lot more confident about heading back into my vid projects next week.

One of the very good things about Vividcon and watching lots of vids is that, at the same time I curl up into a bright green ball of envy at what some of the more amazing vidders can do, actually watching vids instead of hiding from them reminds me of a lesson I have to continually relearn. Even the very best vid made by someone else is not my vid. The ones in my head that I want to see for me and that no one else can make because they don't actually live in my head (well, sometimes greensilver does, but she always leaves towels on the floor and drinks the last of the milk. bitch.). Maybe I can't execute that idea as well as I'd like, but it's mine in a way nothing else can be.

The other thing I really need to work on, like, a lot is learning to accept compliments and positive feedback. I mean, I love it (who doesn't), but. You would think that hearing criticism would be harder given all my epic insecurities, but weirdly it's way easier. I just think 'well, of course...I already knew I sucked.' or, more constructively, something like a brutal beta makes me feel better because then I have something to concretely work on that makes me feel like I'm improving. Accepting I've done something well, that gets tricky because some part of my brain kicks in all suspicious at what's not being said, or whispers in my ear that person is just being nice. And that's just silly. And kind of rude to the person giving the compliment. I shall endeavor to be better at this.

Huh, yeah, very sad about the con being over...but grateful for being in a much better creative headspace than I've been for awhile.