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Awwwww, a kind person bought me paid DW time. THANK YOU KIND ANONYMOUS. That is so unbelievably sweet and I hug you forever.
Can we talk about Sam Winchester? Or, more accurately, can we talk about the fact that I've hit a Sam related milestone in my current SPN obsession. It is just...okay. I have always been kinda fascinated by Sam, but my emotional connection to him is more through his emotional importance to Dean...if that makes any sense? But then somehow, in the latest episode, because of Things, he cracked that wall hard and....*flail*. I just. If you know me you know I do not love characters halfway. Once they find the in to my heart it is over.
And god, I just went through this with Dean on my marathon rewatch, when I hit What Is And Should Never Be and ended up sobbing so hard I had to pause and go, like, collapse in a corner with snot running down my face over lawn mowing. A scene that made me sad the first time I saw it, but which did not lead to me crumpled on the floor rocking back and forth and muttering 'oh god, Dean' over and over until this time. Which is kind of when I knew I was done for on the whole, because as much as Castiel has always owned me like I'm his little bitch, he is not a main character...so there's a bit of a shield there.
Anyway, so I think I was kind of grateful that I could have at least some distance when it came to Sam, because my heart was already being shredded all over the place. NO MORE. DISTANCE GONE. Post this most recent episode which led to my first 'Oh Sammy' breakdown...well, I did the thing I've been doing where I've been rewatching lots of older episodes (though not in any particular order this time)...and there it was. Heart clutching emotional investment....and. Dammit. This is just not fair. Why you gotta do this to me Sam? WHY? We had a good thing, you and I....going and stealing my heart is just dirty pool.
And god, I just went through this with Dean on my marathon rewatch, when I hit What Is And Should Never Be and ended up sobbing so hard I had to pause and go, like, collapse in a corner with snot running down my face over lawn mowing. A scene that made me sad the first time I saw it, but which did not lead to me crumpled on the floor rocking back and forth and muttering 'oh god, Dean' over and over until this time. Which is kind of when I knew I was done for on the whole, because as much as Castiel has always owned me like I'm his little bitch, he is not a main character...so there's a bit of a shield there.
Anyway, so I think I was kind of grateful that I could have at least some distance when it came to Sam, because my heart was already being shredded all over the place. NO MORE. DISTANCE GONE. Post this most recent episode which led to my first 'Oh Sammy' breakdown...well, I did the thing I've been doing where I've been rewatching lots of older episodes (though not in any particular order this time)...and there it was. Heart clutching emotional investment....and. Dammit. This is just not fair. Why you gotta do this to me Sam? WHY? We had a good thing, you and I....going and stealing my heart is just dirty pool.
.