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So this rant has been building in me for awhile and recent conversations have pulled it to the forefront so I'm making it. There's a reason I'm not shy about talking about the variety of post-treatment health issues I have...well, a reason beyond that fact that I'm a professional whiner who is gonna let you know that I have a hangnail and it hurts (though that factors in too, heh).
See, the thing is there is this narrative surrounding cancer survivors and The Good Patient that the media just looooooooooooves. Lance Armstrong is the ultimate Good Patient, and while I adore him on a personal level and what he has to say about and to cancer patients (no, seriously this is not against Lance, I think he's awesome), the kind of narrative that surrounds him sort of pisses me off. Because, he's an outlier okay? This idea that The Good Patient is the one who pluckily goes on to run marathons or win cycling competitions and practically glows with newfound radiant health and a zest for life...it ain't the reality for most of us. But we're told it is supposed to be. You're done with treatment! You're all better now! Go out and tackle the world!
Except the thing is? In my experience when cancer survivors start talking to each other, when you put us on a message board or in chat or in person...the floodgates open and the big lie of I'm Just Fine Syndrome comes crashing down. And there's a palatable sense of relief in saying 'wait, your scar tissue is restricting your movement too?', 'you still get tired easily?' 'your joints and nerves hurt?' 'you still wake up in a cold sweat of nightmares?' and on and on. It's not just me? I'm not just a whiner? It's not because I'm not A Good Patient?
And, y'know, I get it on the one hand. Life does go on. And it is important to learn that life with the new normal is not a bad thing. That the permanent changes in your body don't mean IT IS ALL OVER and you should curl up in a corner and cry. That there's help out there to treat some of it, and to work around some of it. But, y'know, you can't get to that if you don't know it's normal. That the effects of cutting up, poisoning, and burning your body for a year don't just go away because you stop doing it.
It's normal. It is more normal than hopping back on your bicycle for intense training and going on to win the Tour De France. The long term effects of cancer treatment, physical, cosmetic, and emotional, are real. And it kind of infuriates me how many post-treatment cancer survivors feel like they have to slap on a smile and prtend they are just fine because everything around them tells them they should be just fine. It's over isn't it? Go run a marathon. Fuck that.
See, the thing is there is this narrative surrounding cancer survivors and The Good Patient that the media just looooooooooooves. Lance Armstrong is the ultimate Good Patient, and while I adore him on a personal level and what he has to say about and to cancer patients (no, seriously this is not against Lance, I think he's awesome), the kind of narrative that surrounds him sort of pisses me off. Because, he's an outlier okay? This idea that The Good Patient is the one who pluckily goes on to run marathons or win cycling competitions and practically glows with newfound radiant health and a zest for life...it ain't the reality for most of us. But we're told it is supposed to be. You're done with treatment! You're all better now! Go out and tackle the world!
Except the thing is? In my experience when cancer survivors start talking to each other, when you put us on a message board or in chat or in person...the floodgates open and the big lie of I'm Just Fine Syndrome comes crashing down. And there's a palatable sense of relief in saying 'wait, your scar tissue is restricting your movement too?', 'you still get tired easily?' 'your joints and nerves hurt?' 'you still wake up in a cold sweat of nightmares?' and on and on. It's not just me? I'm not just a whiner? It's not because I'm not A Good Patient?
And, y'know, I get it on the one hand. Life does go on. And it is important to learn that life with the new normal is not a bad thing. That the permanent changes in your body don't mean IT IS ALL OVER and you should curl up in a corner and cry. That there's help out there to treat some of it, and to work around some of it. But, y'know, you can't get to that if you don't know it's normal. That the effects of cutting up, poisoning, and burning your body for a year don't just go away because you stop doing it.
It's normal. It is more normal than hopping back on your bicycle for intense training and going on to win the Tour De France. The long term effects of cancer treatment, physical, cosmetic, and emotional, are real. And it kind of infuriates me how many post-treatment cancer survivors feel like they have to slap on a smile and prtend they are just fine because everything around them tells them they should be just fine. It's over isn't it? Go run a marathon. Fuck that.
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ETA: I think a lot of that pervasive message is a combination of whistling past the graveyard and there but by the grace of god go I.
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And some of it is just...permanent. Even if you're just talking about on a purely superficial level of scars or radiation tattoos, there is no getting around your body being permanently changed.
I would lay money down that even Lance Armstrong has health issues that he doesn't talk about, long term effects. The man had whole brain radiation...you just don't walk away from that unscathed even if you can still ride a bike like a motherfucker.
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I think that is why The Scar Project is one of my favorite things ever. I love every single woman who participated like burning for being willing to strip away the lies along with their shirts and demand people see. To say to every other woman out there who thinks it's just her breasts that don't look like a glossy reconstruction ad that they are not alone.
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*hugs back*
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I also get kind of furious about the pervasiveness of war-related metaphors (battle, struggle, whatever), but I won't do that rant in your comments. Heh.