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For reasons that would be utterly boring to go into I am having a crappy time of it, so my meme posts will be delayed for awhile (I will pick them up later, though, for promise). Trying not to disappear entirely for the time being, so happy new year to you all.
I have been dealing with crap in the time honored tradition of marathoning canon I already know well enough that it doesn't matter when I can't focus. This time it's been SGA, which I have rewatched the entirety of over the last couple weeks or so. And y'all, I remain utterly enamored with John Sheppard's death wish. I just. It is still one of my favorite character aspects of anyone ever.
On the one hand it offers so many avenues of serious speculation on the pyschological why behind his burning desire to throw himself on any and every passing grenade. No one that determined to go out in a blaze of suicide mission glory is anything less than utterly fucked in the head. Like, somehow just saving people isn't enough? Until he manages to sacrifice himself in place of someone else it won't make up for...whatever guilt he has assigned to himself. I find myself wondering if it was in place prior to Afghanistan or not. Like, was that clusterfuck just one more in the series of attempts to blow himself up for the greater good, or was the failure there and subsequent survivor guilt the origins of it? I think you could go either way. And either way you're left with John Sheppard being not right in the head.
On the other hand, it is also fucking hilarious to me that he continually fails in his repeated attempts to blow himself up. Like, the sheer number of times he has thrown himself on that proverbial grenade, only to find himself alive and well after is enough to set me off into giggles for days. He tries so hard. Like, he has one thing on his to do list: 'die in blaze of sacrificial glory' just sitting there waiting to get checked off, but no matter how many times he goes for it, after the smoke clears there he is. I don't know if it makes me a bad person how funny I find that. I just...he's probably going to die in his bed of extreme old age, forever frustrated by last minute saves pulling his ass out of the fire. This will never not be funny to me.
I have been dealing with crap in the time honored tradition of marathoning canon I already know well enough that it doesn't matter when I can't focus. This time it's been SGA, which I have rewatched the entirety of over the last couple weeks or so. And y'all, I remain utterly enamored with John Sheppard's death wish. I just. It is still one of my favorite character aspects of anyone ever.
On the one hand it offers so many avenues of serious speculation on the pyschological why behind his burning desire to throw himself on any and every passing grenade. No one that determined to go out in a blaze of suicide mission glory is anything less than utterly fucked in the head. Like, somehow just saving people isn't enough? Until he manages to sacrifice himself in place of someone else it won't make up for...whatever guilt he has assigned to himself. I find myself wondering if it was in place prior to Afghanistan or not. Like, was that clusterfuck just one more in the series of attempts to blow himself up for the greater good, or was the failure there and subsequent survivor guilt the origins of it? I think you could go either way. And either way you're left with John Sheppard being not right in the head.
On the other hand, it is also fucking hilarious to me that he continually fails in his repeated attempts to blow himself up. Like, the sheer number of times he has thrown himself on that proverbial grenade, only to find himself alive and well after is enough to set me off into giggles for days. He tries so hard. Like, he has one thing on his to do list: 'die in blaze of sacrificial glory' just sitting there waiting to get checked off, but no matter how many times he goes for it, after the smoke clears there he is. I don't know if it makes me a bad person how funny I find that. I just...he's probably going to die in his bed of extreme old age, forever frustrated by last minute saves pulling his ass out of the fire. This will never not be funny to me.