I am fascinated by the concept of vidding as therapy or cathartic vidding, and recent conversations with ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sweetestdrain about it has me wanting to know more from people about when and why they do it, and how it affects the actual process. And about vid watching as therapy as well.
Like, obviously Dreams was about me working through unresolved issues about losing my doggie, and also about loss and death in general. And less obviously externally, Legends Never Die was straight up cancer=Freddy Kreuger internally while vidding. To a certain extent I can point to any one of my vids and pull out what I was feeling or going through in real life that relates to why I made the choices I made, but in some vids the choice to do that is deliberate and intentional.
So, what vids have you made or would you like to make that are about intentionally processing or facing irl issues? Or, what vids do you watch because they function in the same way? How does making such a vid differ from making other vids, and in the audience response and your reaction to that? I'd also like to hear from fic writers who have done this in fic, 'cause I imagine working through shit by using external source and storytelling/metaphor are similar.
Catharsis, its whats for dinner.
sweetestdrain about it has me wanting to know more from people about when and why they do it, and how it affects the actual process. And about vid watching as therapy as well. Like, obviously Dreams was about me working through unresolved issues about losing my doggie, and also about loss and death in general. And less obviously externally, Legends Never Die was straight up cancer=Freddy Kreuger internally while vidding. To a certain extent I can point to any one of my vids and pull out what I was feeling or going through in real life that relates to why I made the choices I made, but in some vids the choice to do that is deliberate and intentional.
So, what vids have you made or would you like to make that are about intentionally processing or facing irl issues? Or, what vids do you watch because they function in the same way? How does making such a vid differ from making other vids, and in the audience response and your reaction to that? I'd also like to hear from fic writers who have done this in fic, 'cause I imagine working through shit by using external source and storytelling/metaphor are similar.
Catharsis, its whats for dinner.
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Here's some actualfax details, to hopefully make my rambling more coherent. I want to use vid form, and a specific tv show, to illustrate that when a person is in an 'unhealthy' environment, their normal 'healthy' coping strategies are useless to them, and they will not be able to survive without adapting by developing some 'unhealthy' methods. The terms healthy and unhealthy are very problematic themselves, but they're useful here for approximations -- healthy is white picket fence and good education, unhealthy is violence, drugs, etc. I could prob'ly ramble on for hours about the concept, if you want to hear it.
My point is, the point of this vid is, I see this aspect of the world in a certain way, and most of the time I don't mind that other people don't seem to see it, but sometimes I get pissed off enough that I want to do something about their lack of understanding, and what I'm going to do is vid it, and hope watching the vid teaches them what I'm trying to show.
The worst part of this vid will be when I release it. If people see it and don't get it, but in a "shrug, whatever" way, I probably won't mind. But if people see it, see my blood all over it, correctly read the fundamental truth I put in it, and don't agree? Get angry about it? Try to argue with me about something that is very basic to the way I see and interact with the world? I will probably be completely shattered. If I can manage to detach myself from the vid, emotionally, sufficiently, I may release it at a con such as VividCon, because VVC is where the eyeballs are, but if I'm too afraid I will probably just throw it up on the internet.
This is all a very different experience already from my Wil Wheaton vid. The Wil vid was just a "hey, this is a funny combo, this will be cute/fun/whatever", and I didn't really care what people thought as long as it didn't bomb, so I was able to really enjoy people's enjoyment of it, without any reservations or lingering doubts.
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I definitely write my issues, though. Most of all I think what I do with fic (both writing and reading) is use it as a way to experience strong emotions, which I can't deal with in 'real' life. My POV characters are always being overwhelmed by FEELINGS of some sort or another; those feelings are safe for me to feel, unlike my own feelings about myself and my life which I'm rarely able to engage with, because they're too scary.
Now, the actual specific FEELINGS they have aren't usually too closely mapped to the ones I have and am repressing. Sometimes that does happen, but then the whole enterprise becomes much less safe and I either don't finish the story, or I finish it and then cry a lot and feel fragile for days. --you know, that actually did happen with a vid once, although I didn't realize why at the time. I was making a vid for season 1 of Torchwood (before s2 had aired) to the Dresden Dolls, "First Orgasm," and unbeknownst to myself I was pretty much just vidding my life right then, and that...never got too far. (And then season 2 aired and ruined the whole concept and now I can NEVER make it, which is a terrible tragedy.)
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(Character death! NOOOOOOOOOOO! <--imagine that in like 48pt font with a lot of blinking and scrolling)