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I'm seriously about five seconds away from just being done with trying to figure out what, if anything, is wrong with me and my stupid lumpy neck.
Nearly two months I had to wait for an available apointment with the endocrinologist. And I walked out of the appointment with nothing really to show for it except for new "possible" things to be concerned about and a referral for the needle biopsy that I was told I'd have to have from the very beginning of all this but which I couldn't get without said referral.
This is just getting silly. I have no clearer understanding than I did months ago when all this started as to why the lumps exist or what they mean. Is there an underlying condition that explains why I've been feeling ill that relates to the thyroid? Is there something else unrelated going on? Or is this just another round of feeling horrible through broken brain chemistry? Well, fucked if I know and no one else seems to either. If the symptoms I'm having are just psychiatric, fine, I can deal with that. Seriously. Tell me I'm crazy. At least I'd know where to start. But this vague "might be something wrong with you" is driving me crazy.
And what, exactly, might be wrong with me keeps changing. And when I get home and look stuff up on the internets none of what's mentioned seems to match so, seriously what the hell? I don't mind more testing or whatever if it means finding something wrong and fixing it. I do mind sitting around wondering if I'm really sick if I'm probably not throwing darts at random possible diagnosis. It's tiring. It makes me feel bad for wasting my families time worrying about me over nothing. And since I no longer have insurance it's going to start getting really expensive really quickly.
Honestly I don't even want to have the stupid needle biopsy anymore. The nodules are almost certainly benign, statistics are way on my side on this one and I can still breathe and swallow. I'll likely still have it anyway because I think my parents would freak out if I didn't. But I'm not seeing any compelling reason to keep going back once that test comes back negative as well.
I need House.
Nearly two months I had to wait for an available apointment with the endocrinologist. And I walked out of the appointment with nothing really to show for it except for new "possible" things to be concerned about and a referral for the needle biopsy that I was told I'd have to have from the very beginning of all this but which I couldn't get without said referral.
This is just getting silly. I have no clearer understanding than I did months ago when all this started as to why the lumps exist or what they mean. Is there an underlying condition that explains why I've been feeling ill that relates to the thyroid? Is there something else unrelated going on? Or is this just another round of feeling horrible through broken brain chemistry? Well, fucked if I know and no one else seems to either. If the symptoms I'm having are just psychiatric, fine, I can deal with that. Seriously. Tell me I'm crazy. At least I'd know where to start. But this vague "might be something wrong with you" is driving me crazy.
And what, exactly, might be wrong with me keeps changing. And when I get home and look stuff up on the internets none of what's mentioned seems to match so, seriously what the hell? I don't mind more testing or whatever if it means finding something wrong and fixing it. I do mind sitting around wondering if I'm really sick if I'm probably not throwing darts at random possible diagnosis. It's tiring. It makes me feel bad for wasting my families time worrying about me over nothing. And since I no longer have insurance it's going to start getting really expensive really quickly.
Honestly I don't even want to have the stupid needle biopsy anymore. The nodules are almost certainly benign, statistics are way on my side on this one and I can still breathe and swallow. I'll likely still have it anyway because I think my parents would freak out if I didn't. But I'm not seeing any compelling reason to keep going back once that test comes back negative as well.
I need House.