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So, there's a thing. I hadn't wanted to post about it until I had more information, and also denial is your FRIEND sometimes, but since it looks like this will be taking up time and energy possibly for some time to come without having a definitive answer, I don't want to censor myself in my LJ. First things first, don't panic! (that was for me mostly)
Last week while I was digging at a particularly nasty patch of hives in my left armpit, I noticed a nontender lump, and went 'well, huh, that's strange'. I wasn't actually concerned about it until my hives appointment last Friday where I said 'What do you make of this?' to my doctor and it provoked full on Alarmed Face. So she pulled in her supervising doctor who made more Alarmed Face and she and my doctor traded medical jargon while poking at and shoving around my left boob and adjacent areas occasionally using words I did understand like 'concerned'. I left the office with the meds that would make my hives go away (one week and counting, yay!), and an order for a mammogram and ultrasound of the left axillary lymph nodes.
Which I had done yesterday. The mammogram was...okay seriously do they have to squish everything that hard? If you've had one of these things you know the joy of having your boobs smashed flatter than a pancake and I shall say no more about that other than, OW! Good news! Essentially negative mammogram. Sigh of relief quickly taken back at ultrasound where Alarmed Face made it's reappearance with the tech, who stopped to go fetch the radiologist. Turns out my lump takes ugly pictures or something. Also it has friends. Two of them, for a total of three enlarged nontender axillary lymph nodes. Follow up appointment with the doctor this morning, referral to a surgeon for biopsy.I'm waiting on the phone call. Heard back, consultation to determine which kind of biopsy on Monday, actual biopsy on Thursday.
The four possible diagnoses which we are working through as per my doctor this morning. Absolute best case scenario is reactive lymph nodes due to some minor undetected infection that will just go away. I like this one a lot. However the size, location, and features on ultrasound mean no one is willing to do an 'antibiotics, wait and see in a few weeks'. I'm sure we will all feel very silly for the fuss if this turns out to be the case. I will write my doctor a very stern note or something. Next we have reactive lymph node to autoimmune disorder. Which could mean anything from my stupid fucking thyroid again, to brand new fun with my immune system. I expect this one to result in a bazillionty more tests where doctors stand around staring at me all 'Your body is weird, dude'. In the more scary category we have reactive lymph node to breast cancer. We don't like that one, however since the mammogram was negative, the possibility of it being this goes down. And even if it is, it is probably teensy weensy very early. To be on the safe side, if the biopsy comes back negative they will be doing an MRI to completely rule it out. And then we have nobody's friend, Lymphoma. We don't like that one at all, and we aren't allowed to panic about that yet because this presentation could (probably) means one of the other things. It's just a really scary word to hear, and one they don't want to fuck around with just in case.
So, yeah. I am more than a little freaked out right now, alternating between convincing myself that I've somehow managed to conjure up enlarged lymph nodes out of hypochondriac air, and going over worst case scenarios in my head with the help of Google. Sometimes I don't want to talk about it at all. Sometimes I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I just ponder what in the hell Hugh Dillon was thinking when he went through his soul patch stage, or marvel at the perfect beauty and hope contained in a Doctor/Companion hug (sekrit note to you know who: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMG). I really don't know what mood I'll be in from one minute to the next right now or what all will end up splattered all over this LJ over the weekend while I wait. So there you have it. Hugs would not go unappreciated.
Last week while I was digging at a particularly nasty patch of hives in my left armpit, I noticed a nontender lump, and went 'well, huh, that's strange'. I wasn't actually concerned about it until my hives appointment last Friday where I said 'What do you make of this?' to my doctor and it provoked full on Alarmed Face. So she pulled in her supervising doctor who made more Alarmed Face and she and my doctor traded medical jargon while poking at and shoving around my left boob and adjacent areas occasionally using words I did understand like 'concerned'. I left the office with the meds that would make my hives go away (one week and counting, yay!), and an order for a mammogram and ultrasound of the left axillary lymph nodes.
Which I had done yesterday. The mammogram was...okay seriously do they have to squish everything that hard? If you've had one of these things you know the joy of having your boobs smashed flatter than a pancake and I shall say no more about that other than, OW! Good news! Essentially negative mammogram. Sigh of relief quickly taken back at ultrasound where Alarmed Face made it's reappearance with the tech, who stopped to go fetch the radiologist. Turns out my lump takes ugly pictures or something. Also it has friends. Two of them, for a total of three enlarged nontender axillary lymph nodes. Follow up appointment with the doctor this morning, referral to a surgeon for biopsy.
The four possible diagnoses which we are working through as per my doctor this morning. Absolute best case scenario is reactive lymph nodes due to some minor undetected infection that will just go away. I like this one a lot. However the size, location, and features on ultrasound mean no one is willing to do an 'antibiotics, wait and see in a few weeks'. I'm sure we will all feel very silly for the fuss if this turns out to be the case. I will write my doctor a very stern note or something. Next we have reactive lymph node to autoimmune disorder. Which could mean anything from my stupid fucking thyroid again, to brand new fun with my immune system. I expect this one to result in a bazillionty more tests where doctors stand around staring at me all 'Your body is weird, dude'. In the more scary category we have reactive lymph node to breast cancer. We don't like that one, however since the mammogram was negative, the possibility of it being this goes down. And even if it is, it is probably teensy weensy very early. To be on the safe side, if the biopsy comes back negative they will be doing an MRI to completely rule it out. And then we have nobody's friend, Lymphoma. We don't like that one at all, and we aren't allowed to panic about that yet because this presentation could (probably) means one of the other things. It's just a really scary word to hear, and one they don't want to fuck around with just in case.
So, yeah. I am more than a little freaked out right now, alternating between convincing myself that I've somehow managed to conjure up enlarged lymph nodes out of hypochondriac air, and going over worst case scenarios in my head with the help of Google. Sometimes I don't want to talk about it at all. Sometimes I can't seem to stop. Sometimes I just ponder what in the hell Hugh Dillon was thinking when he went through his soul patch stage, or marvel at the perfect beauty and hope contained in a Doctor/Companion hug (sekrit note to you know who: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMG). I really don't know what mood I'll be in from one minute to the next right now or what all will end up splattered all over this LJ over the weekend while I wait. So there you have it. Hugs would not go unappreciated.