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I said I was gonna post about the Buffyverse comics from now on as I read them. And I just read Angel & Faith #13. I. Just. Okay, Angel's story since the end of Buffy season 8? Has quickly become one of my favorite arcs of the entire Buffy universe (live action included). Which is not something I thought I'd be saying when season 8 ended and I was, like, on my knees rending my garments and sending silent death wishes to Joss (awww, nostalgia). It reminds me of why I tend to stick with his stories despite how much they hurt me. Because from the ashes usually rises a thing that hooks me right in the gut and I'm willingly back on the ride, even knowing it ends up with me on my knees again. Whatever else you can say about Joss (and there is much on both the positive and negative side), as a storyteller he just flat out works for me. And yes, I am excited as hell about SHIELD for exactly that reason.
But, anyway, Angel. OH GOD, ANGEL. I love Angel, and always have, but I don't often connect with him on an, I guess, visceral level. It's usually through his relationships with other characters that I do have that connection with that I come to my Angel feelings. I fully expected when I started this series that would be the case, with Faith being my Angel In Point. But. While Faith is a huge part of why I am enjoying this story as much as I am (and I have spoilery things to say about her arc which will come after the cut), Angel...has...Angel. FEELINGS, I HAVE THEM.
I'm not sure what it says about me that the moments when Angel inspires FEELINGS in me are the ones where he has essentially lost his shit completely and throws himself face first into an entirely inadvisable obsession. Season 2 Angel, when he's singlemindedly going after Wolfram & Hart. When he attempts to rip a hole in the walls of reality to go get Connor after he's kidnapped. That sort of thing. And OH GOD, Angel is, like, living in that mindset now with his quest to bring Giles back. This is NOT a good life choice, for so many reasons I can't even begin to count them. Even if it does give me oodles of Giles backstory and flashbacks for which I kind of want to kiss everyone involved. With tongue.
And it's...okay, I have some issues with the Twilight arc which I might get to at some point, but, issues aside this is Angel dealing with the fallout of something he hasn't really before. He can't put up barriers between his choices as Twilight and himself the way he does with Angelus, because these were choices he made on the back of one of (IMO) his biggest flaws...the way he makes decisions for people around him without actually, y'know, including them in those decisions because he Knows Best. Twilight was able to play him, to gain the influence it did, by convincing him that he, and he alone, was responsible for deciding on either the world's destruction or salvation. HUBRIS, ANGEL, LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY PUMPKIN. And he was wrong. And Giles died, he killed Giles because of it.
That is what makes Giles the death that is the straw that broke the camels back, the one he can't let stand. For all that he carries the guilt of all the people he killed and tortured as Angelus, he's able to live with that (for certain broody values of living with) because he wouldn't do that now. Because he's built a moral code and an understanding of right and wrong that stands between him and the demon inside. But it's not the demon that Twilight convinced. It's also not the first time Angel has fallen to this flaw, but I think the first with direct innocent blood on his hands. And I am, like, kind of flaily hands that he is responding to this by doing it again in making the decision to do whatever it takes to bring Giles back, despite knowing Giles would not want this. ANGEL YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP, I LOVE YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW. Like, if he can somehow 'fix' this, he can undo being wrong. And I think that's where I respond on a gut level. Angel's level of self control is not one I can really relate to most of the time, even as I can have sympathy for the underlying struggle. When it breaks, when he cannot cope with it breaking, when he not copes with narrow focus obsession, that's when I get it and FEELINGS emerge.
Which is how we come to Faith, and thank god for her. How much do I love that Faith has to be the responsible one now? Not just for Angel but for her baby slayer currently rocketing down a slide to hell she knows entirely too well. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Faith's redemption path up to now has been all about trusting those who have been there before her to give her the steps and the path to walk through her pain. And now she has to go the next level, and use what she's learned to be on the other side of that equation. SCARY. She can't really trust Angel to put the rails up and the brakes on for her, because she has to do it for him. I love that this isn't easy for her. That she's flailing through all kinds of self doubt, that she isn't always making the right decisions, that she's having her own moments where she collapses under her own shit. And somehow, she's still muddling through and learning it isn't about always being able to know the right thing to do or say, but trying anyway because there isn't anyone else to do it. I don't think there's anyone else who could get Angel through this without him self-destructing (and probably taking out half the world again with him) but Faith. Well...I think maybe Wesley could (*sob*).
I don't know how this ends. I'm terrified as to how this ends. I mean, I think being ultimately unwilling to sacrifice Connor is a step in the right direction for Angel? Not that it matters, on account of Connor choosing anyway, so the road is still open. Just. I think he might succeed. In bringing Giles back. And I want Giles back, I really, really do. Part of me is like Angel, in that I don't care what the cost is as long as Giles is at the other end of it. But how does this even end well? Giles doesn't want this. Giles would never want this. The absolute best case scenario is Giles back and supremely pissed off and horrified at what was done to accomplish it. And when in the Jossverse have we ever gotten the best case scenario?
AND WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS WHISTLER UP TO? I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. Also, Willow? This can't be good. Not good at all. I think I might wait to see what's coming down both here and in Willow's upcoming independent title to have Willow thoughts.
But, yes. I am FULLY ENGAGED in this story...and fully expecting it's all going to BREAK ME HORRIBLY before it's all over. OH GOD.
But, anyway, Angel. OH GOD, ANGEL. I love Angel, and always have, but I don't often connect with him on an, I guess, visceral level. It's usually through his relationships with other characters that I do have that connection with that I come to my Angel feelings. I fully expected when I started this series that would be the case, with Faith being my Angel In Point. But. While Faith is a huge part of why I am enjoying this story as much as I am (and I have spoilery things to say about her arc which will come after the cut), Angel...has...Angel. FEELINGS, I HAVE THEM.
I'm not sure what it says about me that the moments when Angel inspires FEELINGS in me are the ones where he has essentially lost his shit completely and throws himself face first into an entirely inadvisable obsession. Season 2 Angel, when he's singlemindedly going after Wolfram & Hart. When he attempts to rip a hole in the walls of reality to go get Connor after he's kidnapped. That sort of thing. And OH GOD, Angel is, like, living in that mindset now with his quest to bring Giles back. This is NOT a good life choice, for so many reasons I can't even begin to count them. Even if it does give me oodles of Giles backstory and flashbacks for which I kind of want to kiss everyone involved. With tongue.
And it's...okay, I have some issues with the Twilight arc which I might get to at some point, but, issues aside this is Angel dealing with the fallout of something he hasn't really before. He can't put up barriers between his choices as Twilight and himself the way he does with Angelus, because these were choices he made on the back of one of (IMO) his biggest flaws...the way he makes decisions for people around him without actually, y'know, including them in those decisions because he Knows Best. Twilight was able to play him, to gain the influence it did, by convincing him that he, and he alone, was responsible for deciding on either the world's destruction or salvation. HUBRIS, ANGEL, LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY PUMPKIN. And he was wrong. And Giles died, he killed Giles because of it.
That is what makes Giles the death that is the straw that broke the camels back, the one he can't let stand. For all that he carries the guilt of all the people he killed and tortured as Angelus, he's able to live with that (for certain broody values of living with) because he wouldn't do that now. Because he's built a moral code and an understanding of right and wrong that stands between him and the demon inside. But it's not the demon that Twilight convinced. It's also not the first time Angel has fallen to this flaw, but I think the first with direct innocent blood on his hands. And I am, like, kind of flaily hands that he is responding to this by doing it again in making the decision to do whatever it takes to bring Giles back, despite knowing Giles would not want this. ANGEL YOU ARE SO FUCKED UP, I LOVE YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW. Like, if he can somehow 'fix' this, he can undo being wrong. And I think that's where I respond on a gut level. Angel's level of self control is not one I can really relate to most of the time, even as I can have sympathy for the underlying struggle. When it breaks, when he cannot cope with it breaking, when he not copes with narrow focus obsession, that's when I get it and FEELINGS emerge.
Which is how we come to Faith, and thank god for her. How much do I love that Faith has to be the responsible one now? Not just for Angel but for her baby slayer currently rocketing down a slide to hell she knows entirely too well. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Faith's redemption path up to now has been all about trusting those who have been there before her to give her the steps and the path to walk through her pain. And now she has to go the next level, and use what she's learned to be on the other side of that equation. SCARY. She can't really trust Angel to put the rails up and the brakes on for her, because she has to do it for him. I love that this isn't easy for her. That she's flailing through all kinds of self doubt, that she isn't always making the right decisions, that she's having her own moments where she collapses under her own shit. And somehow, she's still muddling through and learning it isn't about always being able to know the right thing to do or say, but trying anyway because there isn't anyone else to do it. I don't think there's anyone else who could get Angel through this without him self-destructing (and probably taking out half the world again with him) but Faith. Well...I think maybe Wesley could (*sob*).
I don't know how this ends. I'm terrified as to how this ends. I mean, I think being ultimately unwilling to sacrifice Connor is a step in the right direction for Angel? Not that it matters, on account of Connor choosing anyway, so the road is still open. Just. I think he might succeed. In bringing Giles back. And I want Giles back, I really, really do. Part of me is like Angel, in that I don't care what the cost is as long as Giles is at the other end of it. But how does this even end well? Giles doesn't want this. Giles would never want this. The absolute best case scenario is Giles back and supremely pissed off and horrified at what was done to accomplish it. And when in the Jossverse have we ever gotten the best case scenario?
AND WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS WHISTLER UP TO? I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. Also, Willow? This can't be good. Not good at all. I think I might wait to see what's coming down both here and in Willow's upcoming independent title to have Willow thoughts.
But, yes. I am FULLY ENGAGED in this story...and fully expecting it's all going to BREAK ME HORRIBLY before it's all over. OH GOD.
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Also, are you doing Festivids this year? *\O/*
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I think I am doing Festivids? I still have all these auction vids, though, and if I can't make a dent in them before signups I probably won't because I'd feel guilty as hell making other vids when I still owe these.
*HUGS*
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It's not entirely necessary, I think, except for the occasional moment when I go "wait, huh?" or a character shows up or whatever, but they've been good about providing enough exposition and/or contextual clues to roll with it.
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Festivids won't be the same without you. I'm crossing my fingers that you get the auction vids done so you can participate, even just with treats :0)
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It took awhile, but eventually I started being able to see the flow by the pattern of the layout on any page at first glance (and you'll start to notice there is a specific 'language' to how things are laid out) so there was less time and frustration pulling me out of the story. But, yeah, it was not natural at all to start out.
What surprised me was how rewarding it can be once the intial frustration had passed, because there's generally a lot going on in the subtler details and interactions between the text and visuals that adds up to a sum greater than the parts you would expect.
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Edited to add: Found an iPad app that has a companion OSX app, so I'm good to go!